Cold in the cranium

30 Seconds to Mars

2012-01-28T03:18:00.000Z

the music video to kings and queens by 30 seconds to mars reminds me of a few movies.

mainly "warriors". but also a little bit of "the lost boys" and "fight club".

but even listening to it without watching the video, im reminded of east coast park at night. for various reasons. and maybe a little bit about the days when I used to skate around pasir ris following zenn, sean, dharvin in their escapades.
those moments so late dark.. were damn well magical.. no regret for no time was wasted.
even if i never had the guts back then to excel like they did. at least I was there. and that was enough for me. being alive at night, in that moment, witnessing what I did. ive had a good life, la. glad for all thats happened to me so far.

-
itsa good week for me, sports wise I suppose. the singapore slingers won and are at the top of the table (miraculously). spurs won the FA cup match against watford. nadal won the semifinal match again federer. things could be worse.. also west ham are on top of the championship and are looking pretty strong to weather the rest of the season. things have definitely been worse..

-

sorted my gym membership out which means I need to go way more often now to justify this expenditure.
i suppose I should also stop being late for lectures considering how much tuition fees im paying. sigh. it'll all pay off in the end. its fine. as long as I lead a happy life.

4 more months till Im home in Singapore. 7 more weeks of uni, 8 more weeks till easter break, and 4 more months and I wont be a 2nd year anymore. godwilling. pass all my papers. but yeaa, how quick time flies.

and also, shan has become an australian PR. strange how quickly these things happen. its 2012. damn this speed. gotta put some brakes to this life, and reign in it all in before it gets out of hand.

all of this is tearing us apart

2012-01-25T02:11:00.000Z

I wrote this is November 2011. Didnt get a chance to finish it or publish it in time. but my feelings have since changed, and less I publish it soon, itll forever be forgotten. so why not immortalise cette state of mind while I can?

----

listening to yeasayer and the naked and famous.

i shouldnt be too nostalgic about australia. its not my home. not today.

2am. meant to have submitted an article 2 hours ago. not too late. no, never. get on it.

--
some dreams involve travelling, seeing the world,
love, lust, hands around a girl,
or a boy, on your back, laughing, screaming, his two feet dangling over your shoulders
im just imagining all the memories I might be making for him, and how someday in the future
he will find sounds, syllables to articulate an experience which pre-dates this capacity for speech
and his accent
his accent might be foreign, to my ears, and the nation where said memories might have taken place.

--

as our plans turn into compromise
the promises all turn to lies
the spite builds up and cant get through
passive me, aggressive you

---

some dreams are tangible, 2-dimensional, objectifiable
graspingly simple, outcomes, end-products,
like titles, awards,

...
there will come a time in the not too distant future
I shall finally be working, and earning.
but im still so obsessed with certain ideas.
like holidays with friends. and working overseas with friends. or writing stories. and filming projects. and living together, reading, discussing movies, art, having a drink at clark quay, at city hall, attending book launches, and academic talks, taking drives to the beach to the airport, to watch the ships harbour, the planes land, the lights turn on in a city that probably doesnt sleep, but stays awake all night in bed, anxiously, bursting to start the next day, to not get left behind.

6 hours

2012-01-13T10:51:00.000Z

till my essay is due.

---

the walls have ears.
thankfully no tongue.

--

memories, unlike food, provides you no fuel, "burning fat prolongs existence till the next round is served".
for once consumed, left empty, the soul you intended to feed rages, acid reflex, hungers and starves for this
faint distant more-distantly unattainable nostalgia.

I have no photographs, but I have music on replay,
drowning out the echoes of my howling heart,
distracting.

me.
from my essay.

..
even whilst adrift the same shores, i longed for you.

crazy tragic magic

2012-01-12T11:12:00.027Z

I am..
Back in London. So many things to do. I know I better get down to work asap.

but maan, videos like this. just makes me wanna be unemployed and happy.

but i know i want money. so i need a job. and i need to pass my exams to graduate.
i used to be ambitious i think. because i had something to prove. but now ive found a certain content in my heart, my ambitions have changed.

can i maintain my drive towards being amazing? I must try. mustnt lose momentum.

but so
content.
in my heart. content in my heart. another day apart,
till these contents spill out, what start?
i cant remember. but if youre talking about love then I guess..
it was december.

The dog days are over

2011-10-23T23:21:00.000+01:00

Sunday Morning
by Rishik Menon

I have breakfast, like I say my prayers
out of habit not hunger

Hey There Sakina

2011-10-14T06:34:00.000+01:00

In a continuation of yesterday's spirit, of writing songs for my friends by stealing tunes of famous pop songs, I present....

---

"Thats What I Call LDR!"

(A 'Hey There Delilah' Tribute)

by Rishik Menon

Hey there Sakina, what's it like in old Clementi

I'm like 22 stops away
by train, this beats taking PIE,
yes its true
one hour plus to get to you.
what to do?

Hey there Sakina, is damn headache la, this distance
Listen finish to my CD,
now this song again must listen
it never end,
now pregnant lady make me stand
I si beh sian

Why must meet at Holland V
Why must meet at Holland V

You know I living in Changi
Why must meet at Holland V
Meet at Holland V

Hey there Sakina, though you live so very far
when using skype, it doesnt matter
whether Marsiling or Myanmar
is where youre at
as long got internet, can chat.
sometimes skype lag

Why must meet at Holland V

You know I living in Changi

Why must meet at Holland V

Meet at Holland V

If Im late, must take the car

Buey tahan this LDR
Top up my EZ link card every week
Your friends all make fun of me
they say "wha, this boy, very free"
travel across the island just to meet
Sakina, I wanna spend time with you
But have you seen this taxi queue
The booking fare is gonna be damn pain
Who can I blame

Hey there Sakina
You be good, work hard and study
Soon you'll find a job and graduate
with your bachelors in history, its okay
if you dont work in Singapore or stay
doesnt matter how far away
I'll be waiting everyday
Just take care, kay?

I'll meet you at Holland V

Though I living in Changi

I'll meet you at Holland V

Meet at Holland V

soefies mom

2011-10-13T08:53:00.000+01:00

for the next few days, I plan to finish up as many half complete songs as possible. Starting, today, with Soefie's Mom.
=)

Soefie's Mom
by Rishik Menon

(VERSE 1)
Soefie can I come over after tuition (after tution)

We can finish homework and use playstation (playstation)

I saw your mom this morning at the HDB lift (HDB lift)

She was carrying the barang from her market trip (Market trip)

(PRE-CHORUS)

I know Im not the good muslim, you want me to be!

But I’ll be fasting everyday this year, to get myself ready!

(CHORUS)

Soefie’s mom is making beef rendang!

Its all I want, and Ive waited for so long

Soefie invite me

To hari raya puasa please!

You might think somethings wrong

but you should really try her beef rendang

(Soefie's Mom is Making Beef Rendang)
(Soefie's Mom is Making Beef Rendang)

(VERSE 2)

Can you ta pau the leftover for me to school? (bring it to school)

I hope you don’t mind, can you ta pau it full.. (Ta pau it full)

I know you dont like to see food go to waste (go to waste)
So I help you finish, so sedap la, this taste (such a taste)

(PRE-CHORUS)

I mean I like your cooking too, your nasi biryani

But when it comes to beef rendang, oh soefie can’t you see?

(CHORUS)

Soefie’s mom is making beef rendang!

Its all I want and Ive waited for so long

Oh, please invite me

To your Aidilfitri Feast

You might think somethings wrong, but

Have you tried that beef rendang?

(FINAL CHORUS)

Soefie's mom is making beef rendang

Its all I want, and I’ve waited for so long

Soefie marry me

I really need this recipe

I wish I could be strong

But its really shiok this beef rendang

(Soefie's Mom is Making Beef Rendang)
(Soefie's Mom is Making Beef Rendang)

-END-

=D

The Spider and The Leaf

2011-10-12T10:08:00.002+01:00

What he really wanted was The Fly. And Oh, I know what youre thinking, "such legs, such eyes".. But No, no, you have to believe me, because it wasnt about that, this time. "This time it was different" he sweared. She wasnt just another piece of meat to suck dry and throw away. This one was special. This one had attitude.

It was the way she moved: certain, sexy, (dare I say it?) fly.. Such zest, such life, I mean, hey, its really not at all surprising that he became as obsessed as he did. That he'd spend endless nights working out hypothetical histories, dreaming up their inevitable union, fantasizing, romanticizing the different ways they'd finally be together. Oh, it was unhealthy, alright. Trust me.

But I suppose if anyone was going to be responsible for such a state of mind, it HAD to be her. For he might have said it was "different this time", but believe you me, those eyes, those legs, were oh so very fine.

He didnt know in the slightest what was happening to him. Not a clue that he'd ever develop such a taste, such a need for her time, her company. It was all so gradual, his resistance, so unremarkably slipping. But eventually, as it was bound to, it happened. And one morning, he woke up and decided that things were going to change. That she was truly the one for him. And he was going to do everything in his power to make her his. Which leads us to the second part of this story.

He got to work. Took time to himself. Started first by building a web, which would trap her whilst she least expected it. Bring her to his grasp. The web was built out of lines, and the lines he would use, they were all intertwining, layered, wide in scope, multi-dimensioned, all leading up to one central (obviously forgone) conclusion. The web was work, but work was what he had to do. Work led to results, success, exactly what you needed to get whatever it is you want to get. This wasnt the time to leave it up to fate or destiny. Those games of intuition and gut feel were for the past, for those lesser insects he wasnt really that interested in. This time was different. No way was he going to leave it to chance. If ever an occasion called for preparation, this was it.

He chose the location with care, the angle with consideration, the threads, calculated, everything tested. To endure time, the weather, be firm, yet flexible. And most importantly, it had to be delicate and subtle enough, that she just might land on it without noticing. And for quite a while it seemed like it just might have worked.

She came to see him, pretty frequently. Her visits were always unannounced, yet expected. Teasing, she'd flirt in and out of the holes in his web. Occasionally allowing a wing to stroke a thread or two, but never letting herself get caught. Cleverly, avoiding the lines he so cleverly laid out in the first place. Lines that might have worked! But she simply refused to entertain them.

Still, she'd return. And he held on to hope. That one day, she would stay for good. And so, another day would pass, him in eager anticipation, always adjusting, fine-tuning, re-building his web, his life around this one dame.

But then, one autumn morning, something strange happened. Something disastrous which he didnt plan for at all. His web had caught something. But it wasnt the fly. It was a leaf.

The leaf had fallen from a tree nearby, out of the sky, into his web. She'd turn red, and gush, and insisted it wasnt him she fell for. But you'd expect that sort of thing from her. To his annoyance, she's talk a bit more about her weekend and her summer, excuses, lengthy, on how she ended up at this particular neighbourhood, this particular door. Her frame was delicate, verging on brittle, and he dared not let her fall any further, for surely she wouldnt last long after that. So he let her stay the night, observing her incessant chatter, foreign accent and a most curiously transient complexion.

The fly came the next morning, unannounced, but expected as always. And her eyes, compounded, saw the leaf trapped on the web. And in seeing this, saw the web for the first time in her life. Saw it for what it really was. The spider had no chance to draw her closer. He saw this in her embarrassment, the sudden change in her swagger. And this made him feel embarrassed. The game was over. No words were exchanged. Too awkward for goodbyes, it was as silent as dawn.

---

The leaf stayed on the web for a few more weeks, growing weaker by the minute, keeping him company before the inevitable happened, and she withered away from his world. And when that had finally happened, he decided, he would go forth, build a new web and get on with his life.

Sometimes he'd reminiscent and think about the fly. All the possibilities and outcomes that could have occurred. And whether or not he'd ever see her again.

i feel the sun creeping up

2011-10-11T16:10:00.000+01:00

things are gonna change.

come on dude. you started the last few weeks pretty well. dont let yourself backslide. its not cool, if you aint dancing.

no more (TOO) late nights. no more missing half a lecture.
Starting tonight, youre gonna read all your law readings before class. and well. be awesome.

lifes too short to be anything else. also, gym. and learn french. and clean the damn room.

kay thats all. be good, now, little man. don't lose it.

its all a matter of perspective

2011-10-09T14:44:00.000+01:00

"cause when a guy gets with a lot of girls, he's a player. but when a girl gets with a lot of guys, she's a slut. so obviously, thats blatant sexism. or chauvinism. or misogyny. or whatever. call it what you want.. its bullshit is all I mean."

"but.. is it really? cause its easier for girls to get guys than it is for guys to get girls. so yeaa. obviously since guys are playing from a disadvantage, we gotta praise them??"

---
"so what would you do if war came. if the proverbial button was actually pushed?"
"what else can I do? pack it up and go, la.."

(after some more discussion)

"wait, didnt you just say you would leave singapore if there was war?"
"what? no, i didnt!"
"You said you'd pack up and go!"
"Ya, ya. I meant, pack up and go, as in report to camp.."
"ahhh... big difference.."

thislove

2011-10-02T11:15:00.001+01:00

Sure the lyrics can be found online at lyricsmania and songmeanings.com
but for some reason its only half complete. and not even all right. so here we go.

---

this love by younghearts

(Verse 1)
The truth in short
Someone's got to love someone more
It's all a power struggle
The truth here now
The pair of us are far too proud
To say we need each other

So hold your tongue
Words cannot erase the damage done
We'll only hurt each other
So keep your drugs, keep your wine
Whatever helps you pass the time
You've got your life and I've got mine, my lover

Cause darling, truth be told

(Chorus)
This love, this love,
this love can't last forever
this love, this love,
this wont last..

this love, this love,
this love wont last forever
this love, this love,
this love cant last..

(Verse 2)
I think you chose
well judging by the powder around your nose
It was a losing battle
So was it fate, or was it fair?
Or was it love that led us here,
I could not see, will you tell me, my dear?

Cause Darling, All I know

(Chorus)

this love, this love,
this love wont last forever
this love, this love,
this love cant last..

this love, this love,
this love wont last forever
this love, this love,
this love cant last..

(Bridge)
Still I cannot give up
Well, I go to bed, and I sleep and I dream of love
My heart is frozen stuck
Well I go to bed, and I sleep and I dream of you..
I dream of you...

Cause darling, truth be told

(Chorus)

this love, this love,
this love wont last forever
this love, this love,
this love cant last..

(Outro)
Hold your tongue
Your not leaving here with me
You were gone, youre gone
Shut the door after you leave

Darling, Hold your tongue

Your not leaving here with me
You were gone, youre gone
Shut the door after you leave

---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLfNxqbsgQA&feature=related

lingua

2011-09-27T22:42:00.000+01:00

Its not fun being monolingual. not being able to fluently converse with people in something that isnt English (arguably Singlish). not being able to confidently put down knowledge of other languages on either my CV or even on FB. But you know, when I think about it, I probably know at least 10 words in as many different languages. which surely must count for something. I think..
But do I really? I've never really counted before. let me check.

--

Tamil: Vanakam (Hello). An (My) peyer (name) Rishik. Naan (I) oru (one) nala(good) payen(child). Naan kolli(chicken) saapa (eat) pidikum (like). Nandri (Thanks).

Swahili: Habari (How are you). Jina(name) Langu(my) ni(is) Rishik. Mimi(I) nataka (Give me) kuku (chicken). Mimi napenda(like) kuku. Kuku misori (good) sana(very). Asante(thanks).

Luhya: Melembe(peace). Melembe Mno(Lots). Bushere(Good morning). kwereh (Good afternoon). Binuri(Goodnight greeting) Alamsik(Response to Goodnight greeting). Kululaneh(We will meet) Mugamba (tomorrow). Karina (how are you)? Malai (good). Emba(thank you) mno.

Chinese: Ni(You) how(good) ma(question)? Wo(I) chen de(very) how. Ni yow(want) shi(eat) wo da(mine) chi(chicken) ma? wo puyow(dont want).

Hokkien: Ho(good) bo(no)? chapeng(rice) kia(go)! Lao Peh(dad). Lim peh kah li kong(listen to your father). si beh(very) stress. simi taichi (what do you want)? Swee ah(Good!)! chiong sua (Bash hill).

Malay: Selamat Datang(welcome). Selamat Pagi(good morning). Gadis(Girl) Chantik(Beautiful), di mana(where) anda(you) sia? Jangan(dont) tension. dilarang(not allowed) merokok(smoking). Keluar(exit) baris(go). jalan(walk) jalan. terimah kasih (thank you).

French: Bonjour (Hello). Je (me) mapelle (name) Rishik. Je suis(is) Singaporien. Parlez(Speak) vous(you) Anglais(English)? Enchante(Pleasure to meet you)! Merci (Thank you) beacoup(very much).

Hindi: Namaste(hi). mera(my) naam (name) rishik hai. Challo(Let's go)!

Malayalam: Namaskaram (hi). Ishtam(like). Nanni (Thanks).
--

cool. 10 words or more in 7 different languages and a couple of words in Hindi and Malayalam. Not bad rishik. Not bad at all. still a long way to go, of course. and you still cant boast of any second language knowledge in your CV. but maybe by next year, with enough practice, and with proper classes.. You'll be able to do with French what you never dared do with Tamil: Hold a conversation.

in kenya

2011-09-21T22:56:00.000+01:00

(haggling with a street vendor for a padlock)
"30 bob. Best price!"
"give me 20 bob, my friend."
"No, no! 30!"
...
"dude.. no way were you going to get a lock for 20 shillings"
"neah, its fine. Didnt want it anyway. Couldnt trust a lock that only cost 30 shillings, could I?"
"...."

---

"So, me, I'm what you would call a light traveller"
"Dude.. You came to Kenya with a fucking suitcase.."
"...well if you consider thats all my worldly possessions.. In the world. I'd still consider that light."

and the sky the sky

2011-08-20T13:15:00.000+01:00

and the sky, so blue, with clouds, a many
white, clean, and trees bright green

any less sober, I might have forgotten my sense of place
and believed, somehow, that I found my way home

how are you, mzungo!?

2011-07-30T20:11:00.000+01:00

sawa sawa, sababa: a song
by Rishik Menon

(Verse 1)
Youre not impressed with my repertoire
I think youve heard this all before
but I believe, if you don't leave
I'll know you just a little more!

so Im not the perfect guy
unromantic, kinda shy
but gimme time, I think you'll find
the loving youve been waiting for~

(Drums!)
(pre-chorus)
Maybe not this weekend...
at least
Tell me how your weeks been!

(Chorus)
youve got something to say
why don't you go make my day, with your laughter,
maybe banter bout the weather..

I can go on forever, not together
but if we feel all the better, then
why dont you let me know..
when youre ready to give this a go

(Verse 2)
I'm settling for nothing less
cause lifes too short, I want the best
of both worlds, friends and girls
benefits, the total mess

don't tell me its a bad idea
when on your tongue I taste no fear
just take a chance, on this romance
don't think too much, this aint a test

(pre-chorus)
if you got plans tomorrow...
Tonight
I'm not gonna let you go!

(Chorus)
Youve got something to say
why dont you go make my day, with your laughter,
maybe banter bout the weather

I can go on forever, not together
but if we feel all the better, then
why dont you let me know
when youre ready to give this a go.

You say its so hard to choose
But I've got nothing to lose, its your gamble
ain't an outcome I cant handle

I am ready to dance, this is all
in your hands, while the song's still on
don't wait for another show
if you want to give this a go

We can go one forever, not together
but with time, sooner or later
I might just meet somebody new,
and I won't be holding out for you

iPod

2011-06-22T04:05:00.001+01:00

2003- iPod3 released with 40GB of music storage space. The craze begins. In Singapore anyway.
2004- iPod4 (with photos and colour)
2005- iPod Nano replaces iPod Mini,
2006- iPod Nano2
2007- iPhone
2008- iPhone 3G
2009- iPhone 3GS
2010- iPhone4
2011- iPhone 5 to be released

And every year I tell myself.. neaah, I can wait.
They are only gonna release a newer and better model next year anyway.
and well they have. just that I've gone the last 8 years without a real portable music player. I mean I had my brother's Sony Discman (circa 1999). And my last 2 non-army phones have been Sony Ericsson Walkman Phones. But with 13GB of non-pirated music from abour 140 legally bought CDs, and downloaded tracks from sites like emusic soundcloud or play.com, its really time I upgrade my portable music listening experience.

Well I do graduate in 2013. And I do like the number 7. Maybe if all works out, I'll get myself the iPhone 7 as a graduation gift. =D

Unless of course something revolutionary happens with cloud storage and the whole need to get a giant GB storing music player becomes redundant. in the meanwhile, thinking about all that money I saved not getting an iPod? yeaa. with a proper london accent, that sure feels "safe." =)

mess

2011-06-21T16:55:00.000+01:00

its messy and disorganised. its unsettling. preparing to pack my life away into boxes. for one more week I'll be in singapore. spread out over 2 houses. one of which i wont be living in. the other which id have to clear out of, to make room for tenants. everything else will be following me to london. and kenya. and back to london. ive got boxes in london waiting to join me, come the 25th september. but the point isnt about having stuff.
stuff i can give away. sell. lose. the point is having a space. and now I dont have that. its a terrible feeling.

running out of time to clean this room. clean it. clean.

Maritime - Air Arizona

2011-06-02T11:24:00.001+01:00

Ive only done this once before, with an Acid Kindergarten song, to hilarious results, I think.
Attempt to transcribe the lyrics of a song by ear. When no lyrics can currently be found on google. (le gasp!)

So yea.. Lets do this!
=D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XclXe2wMlyk

Air Arizona
by Maritime

(Verse 1)
Air Arizona
You care
Your hair is all old everywhere
Cant see you inside of there (OR the air)

Air Arizona
Are you there?
Well I'm not going anywhere (OR Well London going anywhere)
I need air up in here (OR Im the Air-Bear in here)

(Pre Chorus)
I wont lead to lose
the face and line
it turns the dime
is mine
Im here

(Chorus)
Is there a hole in the wall?
Cause there's nothing so barren
that wont come back to us somehow
You can tell me now

(Verse 2)
Air Arizona
The rain
Were cloumdering, well what did they say? (I know, I know, "Cloumdering" isnt a real word, whatever)
Paint the painted desert this way

Air Arizona
Oh the days
We CC James we stay the same
exit will turn in a Jay

(Pre Chorus)

I wont need to bruise

the painted doors the gate

the innerstate

Im here

(Chorus)

Is there a hole in the wall?

Cause theres nothing so barren

that wont come back to us somehow

You can tell us now

(Instrumental)

Look inside the hole in the wall

Cause there's nothing so barren

so barren so barren so barren right now

That's why I'm telling you

Is there a hole in the wall

Cause theres nothing so barren

that wont come back to us somehow

and you can tell us now

(End)

---

Well that was fairly fun. Even if the constant replaying made me sliiiiightly sick of the song. I still think it warrants a place in my summer 2011 playlist.

The première entry into that list being "The Plage" by Crystal Fighters. Awesome song. check it out. If you havent already.

Alright, 2 days left in London. Got stuff to do. Got a life to pack. Best I get to it now.

Till then, always love.

peace.

library

2011-05-24T23:27:00.000+01:00

man I love the UCL library.
how I wish I discovered it and its beautiful old wooden doors, desks, high ceilings and high shelves last year.

but its too late for that.
always next year though.

24 hours libraries are a wonderful thing.

Made me think back to the Marine Parade Library and Starbucks which would close at about 9pm. And studying there with Kubo. Or at the Old Library in St Pat's with the entire cohort of 4E and 5N boys. and sometimes we would go out for dinner together, or just sit outside and talk. and I remember this one night I followed Jonny Eu for evening mass, and he was telling me about this friend he knew who failed everything in prelims and got 10 points for O levels. And the moral was, youve got to believe in yourself. But if you fail everything in prelims, chances are you wouldnt get better than 10. Or something along those lines.

and then studying at suntec city starbucks with 3306 during the A levels, and at siglap starbucks with lizzy.
and simei starbucks with andrea. ahhh starbucks. soo many starbucks everywhere in my life.

indeed, come thursday I'm 1 year closer to reaching my dream of becoming a barista.

getitgetit? "Barista"/"Barrister".

what nothing?
Ah fuck it.

Does he need CPR? Cause I totally know CPR.

2011-05-14T23:36:00.000+01:00

A collection of conversation snippets from across the years.
--

"This is my brother rishik. His favourie Indian food is butter chicken. Only Its not Indian."
"..Hey!"

"Youe not hungry?"
"Its kinda spicy"
"Youre Indian"
"I dont only eat Indian food, you know"

"You better not have that. Its quite hot."
*rebellious gene kicks in*
"Haha. thanks for the concern, but its fine."
*welling up with tears*
"I said, its fine! Leave me alone!"

"Why cant you take spicy food? Didnt you eat Indian food as a kid?"
"I really only ate roti prata. With sugar. Lots of Sugar."

"Naren, I think he's actually gonna cry, I feel quite bad for him"
*trying to get waiter's attention*
"Water.. Water.."

"Im serious when I say I can't take the McSpicy burger or Nandos Spicy chicken. Its not my tongue, its my stomach that can't take it. Its worse than a hangover. I literally hate myself for it, in the morning."
"Kay, dude, waaay too much detail here."

keep calm and carry on

2011-05-13T18:46:00.000+01:00

What makes movies like Donnie darko and fight club, so scary to me is how real it could be... how plausible and likely, that that guy, with the visions, having dreams, imagining convoluted plots, unsure of reality, suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, talking to people who dont really exist.. That guy could be me. I doubt my own reality enough times as it is, without these movies. oh believe me, a good imagination and a bad memory serves to confuse myself more than anything, thinking up alternative histories, hypothetical futures, so rather easily, im not always sure of my reality, and deja vus send me doubting my own reality even more. didn't I dream this place before. wasnt that a dream. I swear Ive never been here. but I DID. in my DREAM!

Heres a thought for the future rishik to think back about. 4 subjects to take in year3.

History of English Law

Law and Ethics

Research Essay

Law and Development (offered by SOAS)

cause you know 1 year into the future, when its time to make a decision, the last thing Im gonna think about is the past.

Love for a Child

2011-05-08T13:29:00.003+01:00

I love my mom because she loves chocolates and (dare I say it?) probably more than she does them.

I love my mom cause in the middle of dinner she decides she has to explain to the family, her new theory on "pirated" ferrero rochers, and the difference in taste from the originals.
I love my mom because our other dinner time conversations range from religion to politics to housing prices.

I love my mom cause she never made fun of my tamil. in front of my face.

I love my mom because we can simultaneously burst out chuckling listening to the lyrics of "I shot the sheriff" without having to say a word to each other
I love my mom because she hums along to modern day pop hits like "thats not my name" by the tingtings and Maroon 5's "she will be loved".

I love my mom because when I was a little kid, she would force me to go jogging with her at bukit timah, or changi beach.
I love my mom because now that I'm older, she forces me to train her, so she'll be prepared for her next race.

I love my mom because she loves me.

I love my mom because she cares about the people in her life and their feelings.

I love my mom because shes strong and feisty and never backs down from a fight.

I love my mom because shes kaypoh and meddlesome, but only because she always does what she believes to be right. and she never regrets it either.

I love my mom because she doesnt always know how to make you happy or laugh, but thats exactly how she truly wants you to feel.

I love my mom because shes had to tolerate me being grumpy in the morning for the last 22 years.
I love my mom because she immediately suspects something is up when I wake up in a good mood.

I love my mom because shes slightly awkward at dancing, and slightly tone deaf at singing, but shed never shy away from the chance to do either, and of those three traits Ive inherited, Im most glad for the third.

I love my mom because she's humble and full of love.
I love my mom because she loved her mom. And I loved her too.

I love my mom because she didnt really read me books to sleep but she'd always give me books to read when I wanted.

I love my mom because shes kinda crazy.
I love my mom because she hugs trees in the middle of walks.

I love my mom because she uses facebook to play scrabble and wheel of fortune.
I love my mom because we play boardgames together on new years eve.

I love my mom because she gave me pocket money in primary school when I didnt need it, and Ive been compulsively saving money since then.

I love her because she talks to me in my sleep and expects me to remember those conversations in the morning
I love my mom because she'll ask me the same question 3 or 4 times and still forget the answer
I love her because, she'll pretend to know the names of my friends and continuously mix them up

I love her because, she always believed in me and the choices I made in life, whether it was dropping science and math in JC or taking a particular road home.

I love her because she always gave me her trust
and because of her I've learnt
to give other people mine
and to see the world as a beautiful place
believing
everythings going to be okay

I love my mom because
and
I love her because, because
because and just because

I love my mom because she loves chocolates and (dare I say it?) probably more than she does them.

London is burning (Don't tell the Queen!)

2011-05-05T11:16:00.000+01:00

I wish people on the street would ask me for directions more often-
so I'd have the pleasure of hearing their voices, and helping them find their way

and more people came walking through doors with me-
so I'd be able to hold the door open for them, long enough to see their smiles

and maybe I should carry around a box of doughnuts more often,
so the odds of me passing by a homeless lady and offering her one would increase

and even though I dont always carry change
and when I helped push the old man in the wheelchair to camden,
he probably had no real destination to get to anyway,

nothing else I did, in the past one week,
quite makes me feel like
as much as a man
as this

--
hedonistic altruism.
i swear its not pity

(and no, im not signing that petition till I know what its about)

I cant remember Penelope

2011-05-04T01:05:00.000+01:00

Penelope's Theme from the Brother's Bloom Soundtrack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HP8znu3xc-M

I'd like to watch this movie some day. With a soundtrack like that. How wrong can it be?
..

I cant remember when I started losing my mind for you. but it was around the same time I wrote this.
...

its embarrassing

how easily you do this

you make me make a fool of myself

forget my age

race down streets

of memories

you could have scarcely guessed

i possessed

save some

serendipity

pre-destiny

somewhere in the stars...

and thats not a possibility Im ruling out just yet.

youre a woman of histories

so rather

than worry of the future

you take me back into my past

and make me feel twelve.

you entrance me

with tales of love and magic

indulgently

you force me to confess

my innocence to you

its almost as if you feed off it

and even if you did, what can I do?

you make me feel funny,

risible, your giggles

gives me tingles

gives me hope

you've sent this cynic reeling

this pessimist feeling

this atheist believing

got me

got me living

like i once prayed was possible

in absolutely uncertain terms

you vindicate my quiet dreams

am I convinced?
for now it seems

convinced..

that this life is beautiful

without alcohol and cigarettes

tasting coffee, chocolates

so shamelessly

im for it

because

you

you make me wanna hold your hand

you make me forget not to smile

you make me believe in the past

the present the future
(will it be heaven)
in people
in a while

your gonna make me
make big mistakes
like only I know im bound to take..
exactly how, though,
i really dont quite know,
the only thing im sure,
so far, is its not gonna involve
me letting you go.

babies cry on the plane

2011-05-01T16:33:00.000+01:00

so earlier this year i presented my list of all time most awesome break up songs.
well there is a new legend to be heard.
Adele's Someone like you.
No doubt about it. Its all the way up there. Right after "No Doubling Back" by Jason Mraz.

---
i think
Life is too short to multi task
So I like this idea of taking things in their entirety
of
turning off
the television when someone wants to talk to you.
of pausing my music
when its time to eat
of
staring out the window
and feeling the sun
streaks of sun
call you out
of
your room

--

17 days till my first law paper
26 days till my last. for the academic year.

can't stop writing.

Leave No Woman Behind

2011-04-22T18:49:00.000+01:00

A song about 5BX, vest & slacks, and a very conditional type of love
---
My Time My Target
by LTA(NS) Menon

(Verse 1)
I can run forever
tell me where and I will go
every morning thinking of you
half left down on parade floor

though my training very jia lat
and my inchek so one kind
there is nothing i cant tahan
as long as you on my mind!

(pre-chorus)
woah oh!
I'm a chong sua kinda guy!
woah oh!
You see I, PTI!

(chorus)
Nothing less than Cat 1
will stop me tonight
It just feels right
you by my side
10 mikes I pack up and come

even after last light
you are my sun
i cant be stopped till
the job is done
by nothing less than cat 1

(verse 2)
weekend cannot book out
small small thing also confine
see my warrant si bei kwai lan
weekday make me overtime

still i always lan lan suck thumb
dont complain to MFU
carry on cause I is dreaming
spending all my off with you

(pre-chorus)
woah oh!
I know you want me, dont be shy!
woah oh!
I help you pass your FFI!

(chorus)
Nothing less than Cat 1
will stop me tonight
It just feels right
you by my side
10 mikes I pack up and come

even after last light
you are my sun
i cant be stopped till
the job is done
by nothing less than cat 1

(verse three)
outfield, over, steady
back to camp, then feel damn saht
finish rations, shiok aleady
when sir say "exercise cut"

but for me, is not the mess break
helmets off or tiger beer
is not even my pink IC
girl, is you, wake my idea!

woah-oh!
One day we will be together
woah-oh!
but now wait for better weather!

(guitar solo)

(bridge)
If its Cat Three or Twoo..
I will be there for yooou.
I swear, I akan datang!
Only stop when Cat One!

(chorus)
Nothing less than Cat 1
will stop me tonight
It just feels right
you by my side
10 mikes I pack up and come

even after last light
you are my sun
i cant be stopped till
the job is done
by nothing less than cat 1!
(Sound of Sirens)
(Fade to End)

absolutely zero

2011-04-18T02:21:00.000+01:00

5 Jason Mraz CDs aint excessive! He only has produced 5 CDs after all..
Any MORE than 5, ahh, THEN I have a problem.

--

'Own Time Own Target' and 'Leave No Man Behind' are amongst my favourite army slogans/catch phrases.

of course special mention goes to "wake up your idea". and "one times good one". ahh so many priceless one liners. good days. =)

--

Writing a new song. similar to "blame it on the weather" with its heavy singaporean-references. more singlish though.

Here are the chorus ideas I was bashing about in my head before i came up with my final decision.

Draft 1
Nothing less than Cat 1
will stop me tonight
you'll be my light
dont need the sun
we'll just pack up and run

Another Idea
Nothing less than Cat 1
will stop me tonight
there is no fight
you are the one
and only girl that I like

Final Pick
"Nothing less than Cat 1
will stop me tonight
it just feels right
you by my side
5 mikes, I pack up and come

Even after last light
you are my sun
I cant be stopped
till my job is done
by nothing less than Cat 1"

Hopefully this decision makes sense once I complete the rest of the song.
wont be long now. just another two verses to go. and the chords should work out too.
--

foots recovered. running resumes today.

Soefie Adnin's Chocolate Cake Delight

2011-04-17T02:59:00.003+01:00

It may appear half eaten on first appearance, but Soefie Adnin's Chocolate Cake Delight is nothing less than a full serving of love, peace and happy-disney-fairy-tale endings.

A luxurious helping of chocolate and a secret ingredient our in-house chef reckons may possibly be unicorn dust (though more magical), Soefie Adnin's Chocolate Cake Delight doesn’t just pamper the palate with its full bodied flavor, texture and aroma. It takes your palate on a romantic 5-day Mediterranean get away cruise where its every whim and desire is attended to, and its wildest dreams fulfilled every night, only to finally propose to it on the fifth day in a dazzling sea of fireworks and currypuffs . And then it starts to pamper your palate. Everyday. For the rest of its life. The first bite is love, and the second and third is a hazy blur of chocolate muffled noises and a chronic desire to eat more. But there isnt anymore. Because you just ate it.

When former clients of Soefie Adnin's Chocolate Cake Delight were contacted to share their life changing experience with us, a majority broke down in tears at the mere memory of the ecstatic euphoria they once reveled in.

"Why would you do this to me! Why, dammit!" Lamented an anonymous customer on being reminded of the divinity that is the Chocolate Cake Delight.

"The legends are true?” “Soefie Adnin lives?” chimed in members of the public during our investigation.

"Moarr!!" was all one particularly pathetic young man could muster between heaves of sobs and hyperventilation. As per his wishes, he shall remain un-named. But it possibly starts with a K and rhymes with Wenneth. We wish him the best for his future.

Truly, Master Dessert Chef Soefie Adnin knew what she was doing when she decided to name her concoction the Chocolate Cake Delight. For as much as it is a Chocolate Cake, it is the physical manifestation of Delight, in every manner imaginable.

To rate this master-class creation within a system of five stars would be an embarrassment and disgrace to any reviewer, for it would expose them to be the low-brow unappreciative philistines they truly are. Indeed. Here at RISHIK RECOMMENDS! we understand the fragile ephemeral and fleeting nature of beauty and perfection, and can do no injustice by trying to frame or make the grace and elegance of this manna comprehensible to mere mortals. The only thing left for us to tell our readers is: “you have to taste it, to believe it.”

But you can’t. Because we just finished it.

Soefie Adnin's Chocolate Cake Delight
Only available on request, subject to Soefie Adnin's timetable, mood, and how good looking you are
★★★★☆

R.V. Menon
Cheif Editor
RISHIK RECOMMENDS!
Issue 1
April 2011

7 wonders

2011-04-09T20:04:00.000+01:00

Rishik Presents...

Singapore's Seven Wonders.
With Seven Categories too! Cause Im all meta that way..

Eating. Drinking. Shopping. Studying. Chilling. Running. Parking.

Eating
Holland Village
Simpang Bedok
Changi Village
Lau Pa Sat
Serangoon Gardens
Katong
Bukit Timah

Drinking
Clark Quay
Robertson Quay/Muhammad Sultan Road
CHIJMES
Boat Quay
Orchard Towers/Cuscaden Road
Dempsey Road
Emerald Hill

Shopping
Plaza Sing (PS)
VivoCity
Parkway Parade
Mustafa
Orchard Road
Junction 8
Bugis Street

Studying
Changi Airport
National Library (NLB Building)
Suntec City
NUS Campus
Singapore EXPO
Downtown East
Brass Basah

Chilling
Arab Street
Bugis Street/Selegie Road
Marina Bay
Singapore River
Marina Barrage
Siglap
City Hall

Running
Macritche Reservoir
Changi Coastal Road
Bedok Reservoir
Bukit Timah
Henderson Wave
Turf Club
Dairy Farm Road

Parking

Fort Canning Park

East Coast Park

Istana Park

Changi Beach Park

Marina South City Park (before they fucking ripped it up)

Singapore Botanical Gardens

Kallang Riverside

Building (Bonus Category!)
The Esplanade
The Fullerton
Old Supreme Court Building
Old National Library / The National Museum
LaSalle College of the Arts
Old SJI / Singapore Arts Museum
Raffles Hospital Building

---

Ive actually made a real effort to not repeat any of the 7 locations across the 7 categories. with some re-naming and twisting worthy of landing me a place on the elections commission, I think ive somewhat succeeded.

I would have found you

2011-04-08T08:33:00.001+01:00

Something I wrote in early Feb 2011.

---

Its friday afternoon

and a misplaced sun

has stumbled its way into

central london

by accident.

August Rush fills my speakers and

you know youre on my mind.

I welcome her without curtains

through windows like criminals

I welcome her with t shirts and shorts

meant for May, and maybe even March

but certainly not london.

I welcome her like a valentine

though I have no honest understanding

as to what feeling that simile was meant to imply

and i want to talk to you so bad..

I want to talk a nap

but your not on skype, and the last time you came online I was in the middle of a freakin lecture

the idea, image and metaphors of

oceans and airplanes

scare me

not for the space and distance
they are usually meant
to represent,

but for the fact that I dont like being in a fucking metal tube

thousands of feet high in the sky

and i dont like oceans
just because..
its a dark scary place
and the last thing i need
right now are more secrets.

so tonight im gonna try my hand
sticking to simple clean concepts. clocks.

i can work with

time zones too. you know.

unromantic boring ideas

with little room for poetry.

or maybe its just me,

whos not poetic/romantic

enough to put a clever spin to these words

so clear and plain

let me try and explain

what the matter is

the matter is this,

your free to chat, but i need to sleep

and then when im home from school, somehow, its your turn to eat

the matter is,

people wish each other happy birthday on facebook

and im wondering how much longer I have to wait till I too can join in

the matter is

im waking up early to catch the australian open

im not home in the afternoon cause im watching football
there are movies showing in the cinema
which youd probably have seen
and which wont even be showing
by the time I get back
and thats just one less movie
im gonna be able to
ask you out too

and someday its sunday and your at church
and someotherday its sunday i wake up
hungover
thank god im alive at all

but but
but thats not it yet
the matter is this
the matter is time

that times is ticking

and days are passing

with these pretty girls all around me

and my thoughts a continent too far

distracted by the idea that
pretty boys are passing
around you
and making passes at you

and its makes me sad, cause its not fair
that I dont know you as much as I want to
that holidays and exams conspire against my plans,
to spend just a little more time with you
to learn to watch to get to know you
but i cant, not even pretend
that maybe, i'd stand a chance

ah sunshine..
oh sunshine..

i want to talk to you

so badly

right now

possibly more

than i want to take a nap.

when the morning comes

2011-03-31T07:25:00.000+01:00

"my gaydar is so shitty its literally non-existent.
its so shitty for all I know, I might be gay without my own knowledge."

"no, see.. it doesnt work that way."

---

"so what abouts learning to drive a car?"
"Neah, mate Im all about saving the environment. I dont believe in driving cars. Id much rather take public transport like buses."
"oh yea. thats cool..
what about learning to drive a bus?"

--

"so what do you think? is it bad?"
"no not at all. I mean.... its a start."
"the word pineapple is a start."

its so nice today..

2011-03-30T23:20:00.000+01:00

poignant
wistful
lackadaisical

words I need to stop forgetting

---

I guess this is what happiness is?
Between spates of busy-ness, distractions,
lapses in and out of sleep
writing essays with your mind some place else
controlling urges to text or call
make plans, should I hold your hand
does it still matter or make a difference that
last week I was 8 time zones and a continent too far
than today...
no, not really. you have been and still are
on my mind, restlessly raising hell.
only today.. maybe i'll call you.

when the morning comes

2011-03-25T15:34:00.001Z

let it go
I too shall pass.
my law exams.

odd bins

2011-03-24T01:12:00.000Z

picking up pieces of converations

--
"so the new pokemon is out"
"What! again? after you think, yea, you finally caught them all. you finally caught them all! and then they go pull a stunt like this. they go release a whole new series of pokemon to catch! disgusting.."

--------

(after indulging in some unnecessarily prolonged law talk, and leaving a history friend out of the conversation)
"so tell me man... whats NEW in history? Hur hur hur!" =D
(glares)
"so nothing? same OLD same OLD? hur hur hur.." =D
(glares)
No, no, this wasnt planned or rehearsed. It really was rather spontaneous. But for sure, Im gonna be using these lines in the future. Something timeless about it eh? History in the making
hur hur hur..
=D
--------

and I cant change my flight tickets. and I wont be able to catch Switchfoot play in Singapore. Or spend more time with certain people who might be busy with exams. or watch Tampinese Rovers in the AFC Cup. But whatever. I'm gonna run everyday bitches. Im gonna run everydayy.

lads, are we drinking or what?

2011-03-22T14:12:00.000Z

Im gonna wear fucking slippers and shorts everyday
and go for runs in the sun
and cycle
and kayak
aww, dude,
im gonna just lie on the beach and swear in hokkien
my english will detoriate to singlish so fast
and im gonna drive again
im gonna taste salty sea water in the air
and salty sea sweat on my face
i cant really say
i miss home

but i sure would love to be there right now.

set me thinking

2011-03-07T00:19:00.000Z

people who judge me based on the clothes i wear
and who praise me for wearing a particular style of clothing
really dont know me at all

i deserve better friends. hmm.

The 25 Year Plan

2011-02-28T21:06:00.001Z

The 25 Year Plan

It started 21 and a half years ago.
But here it is all the same. Things to do before I turn 25.

run an ultra marathon. a hundred km. Well its only a matter of time till I tick this off my list. 17 weeks to be exact. all the same, its one of those accomplishments big enough to warrant its way here.

graduate from UCL in 2013 with my LLB (honours).. oooh yeaah. Kay, once again, this is almost a given. sure sure, a matter of time. Just need to stick it through and be done with. But like running a hundred km, its really not that easy. and yea, this actually is gonna be another one of those life changing, milestone moments.

publish. a novel. or a series of poems. or coffee table photo book. THIS is really gonna be tough. its gonna take talent. and dedication. and 3 and a half years aint a lot of time. but me and andrea have this goal. and you know. Ive got to give this my best shot. at the very least.

--

so yup! thats it for now, in the list.
thinking about what zhenghao said on the run yesterday. we're never gonna be completely satisfied with our lives. were always gonna keep wanting more and more. and its true, even with my dreams and goals. they keep changing, shifting, growing. I mean.
I have achieved quite a fair bit up till now. which I am proud of. damn proud.
but i barely mention these achievements, cause its in the past. and i need something new to work towards.
nonetheless, its still somewhat healthy to look back, and smile and what ive done.
a little healthy motivation never hurt anyone. and reminder as to what ive accomplished.

Run some marathons. and some half marathons, competitively. I think thats just purely satisfying. Knowing ive crossed this barrier. and run THE marathon. more than once. and now im going to start running marathons as training, for my ultra. its great and empowering, thinking about the limits of the human body, and how easy it is to push it.

commissioning from officer cadet school. in fact the whole damn thing. enlisting. passing out of BMT. going through SISPEC. crossing over to OCS. life in the battalion. learning about the army. learning more about my country. learning to love running. i know its easy to say this, now that Ive left. but those were some great days. =')

i passed my driving licence in one go. its not easy in singapore. but i did it. basic theory, final theory, traffic police, one after the other after the other. in 6 months. with an instructor who wasnt from the driving centre school. paying with mostly my own savings. Its not something to be proud about. I mean, whatever. either you can drive or you cant. and its not like im an amazing driver either. but the memory of finally doing it is fresh. and its a happy memory. i did it guys. i passed my driving licence. =D

okay, now, this happened like what 2 years ago. And since then, I have gone on some epic road trips. with my family from Gold Coast to Noosa. And im sure therell be more to come, here in England. the noosa trip is simply legendary, and will always have a special place in my heart. but putting that aside, Im still just really glad I passed. =)

the gap year. gold coast. living in a different country. meeting new people. somewhat working and whatsome studying. needless to say, this changed my life as well. its not exactly an achievement to be honest. but its an experience. one that im glad i had. I was initally gonna include my teaching experience in Singapore into this. Like my first real paying job. but it didnt compare. not even close.

and now we go slightly back in time to 2007. A midsummer nights dream. The chance of a life time. to finally do something i always dreamed of. act. and i did it. and I did it well. everyone did. the entire cast. it was amazing. not a thing went wrong. the set was beautiful. the concepts. the colours. the acting. the comedic timing. this was a blessing, a dream come true, a gift. I WANTED this. oh my god, so badly. I fantasised, when I was just a kid, 13 maybe 14, in a secondary school which didnt even offer drama. and finally it was granted to me. this play. I had to do it. my last chance, before Id leave public schooling and enter the "real world". without film footage, and with such a small audience capacity, it pains me to think that such beauty would never see the light of the world again. but that ephemeral quality about it. its painfully magic. like faerie dust.

the truth is, as far as im concerned, the list ends there. theres really nothing else ive done that deserves to be up there. things I did back when i was younger dont seem worth a mention now. and some of those things which happened to me, just seemed to happen despite my control, and can hardly be counted as my own effort or hardwork. things which happened as a scout and prefect in st pats or as house captain in TJ. or even climbing mt kinabalu when i was really young. all these things just cant count, because i doubt i really knew what i was doing. when someone tells you to march, you march, and 72km later your done.

so what happens next?

hmm. 3 and a half years to go. guess, I've just got to carry on living life.
Ive got my ultramarathon to look forward to. the chance to make a real difference in Kenya.
Take a well deserved break in Tanzania by climbing Mt Kilimajaro (hopefully). and life.
weddings in Malaysia and Singapore to attend. poems to write for girls who may never read them. with some improvement perform at a couple more gigs. my cooking will get better, as will my photography. but im not trying to impress anyone. I just wanna make my life better. and fill it with love, beauty and good food.
and last of all, by the time I'm 25 Id have found my first real stable long term job. and that wont be an achievement. i promise.

it will be ordinary. so painfully ordinary.

but i will earn money. to spend on my friends and family. happy. only as I know it.

I am that merry wanderer of the night!

2011-02-12T13:49:00.000Z

I am that merry wanderer of the night!

so im starting to miss more and more people.
dharvin, my sis, shalini

its valerie's CNY dinner party tonight. gonna try my hand at re-making those jemput jemput. arghh, so it nor quite banana season, and the bananas are still sorta (read VERY) green. which is a problem. that i intend to solve. with lots of sugar..

just ran 22km today. nothing to it. but then i think about it.
maan. need to run 100km. in Singapore. yeaah, its gonna be fun.
Its gonna be unforgettable.

valentinesdaymovie idea. Its actually pretty hilarious. Im gonna make this happen. =)

borrowed Seasons 1 and 2 of How I Met Your Mother from Dan Harris. Maan, I love that show. Its so feel-good. and funny. its how youd wanna live your life. The next best thing since Friends and Seinfeld.

Borrowed "Never Let me Go" from Ivan. Wanna watch the movie too. someone said Andrew Garfield's character in the movie reminds them of me. curious to find out. NOT gonna wikipedia this.

Roadtrip to winchester and Old Harry, next sunday. yeaa why not. Its only a 6 hour drive, there and back. itll be cool.

----
thinking about this blog and why I have it.
Its pretty damn useful. Its a journal for my thoughts. an outlet for my feelings.
a repository for my songs and poetry. an online to-do list, and personal planner at times.
its self-motivational. its a reminder of my goals and who i used to be.
it also puts pressure on me to follow through with things I sometimes declare i'll do. because a blog is public. and once you say something in public. the pressue is on, to be good to your word.
it also forces me to carefully consider my opinions, which I write and share with the world. especially sensitive, and political opinions. because im not going to shoot off or rant poorly formed ideas in this space. I find myself, thinking about them more carefully than i normally would in a coffeshop discussion. Its not that people read this blog. its that it CAN be read. and its that sorta healthy pressure and awareness that keeps me sharp and kicks my intellectual laziness in the ass.

yeaa. Ive had this blog for about 6 years now. SIX years.. unbelievable almost.
but i think im gonna keep it for a long while to come.

might make it private someday. or public with lots of ads giving me money. who knows what the future will hold. but right now, im pretty pleased with what this blog does for me.

most importantly: its kept me writing.

dangers of credit cards

2011-01-20T11:43:00.000Z

sometimes being overseas too long, you get kinda lonely.

so you buy stuff from amazon.com, and eagerly wait for its arrival, like mail from a long distance lover.

its not the same, really.
you know its coming.
anytime now.
but when the day arrives, it finally fills your mailbox, it still takes you by surprise and fills you with joy.

a lottery ticket, which you know youre going to win.
doesnt lose its appeal quite as easily as youd think.

Rishik Presents

2011-01-15T15:30:00.001Z

For no real reason
and
In no real order

All Time Favourite Love Songs
First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
Dance Inside - All American Rejects
Konstantine - Something Corporate

Best Mainstream Pop Love Songs
We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
She Will be Loved - Maroon 5

Best Break Up Songs of All Time

This Aint a Love Song - Scouting for Girls

Break Even - The Script

No Doubling Back - Jason Mraz

Details in the Fabric - Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison

Inevitable - Anberlin

Heres Lookin at You Kid - Gaslight Anthem

My Favourite Accident - Motion City Soundtrack

---

In some reseach for this song, i was scanning through loads of songs in my itunes to see if i missed anything out. even googled "all time greatest love songs" and the works. discovered loads of good songs in the process actually.

and there were some really good songs in those lists. but they just never evoked the same gut feeling like these did. I guess its really particular to the time in your life when you hear them.

musical tastes. cant really get any more personal, can you.

lessons from meghna and london

2011-01-14T13:55:00.000Z

shave everyday
keep your eyes wide open
keep a smile on your face
london is an international city. its not an english city. heres your chace to take the whole world in.

your a nice guy. if girls like nice guys, theyre gonna like you. simple as that.
some girls have agendas. they know what they want. and if what they want is you, thats cool too.

eat well. stay healthy, lad. cant compromise that.

living in moderation. lunch time beers are great.

one hundred km

2011-01-10T17:13:00.000Z

Ultramarathon in June.
100km.

not even 84km like my original goal. well.. im still 21.
might as well do it.
i know my body can..
i think...
think

thinking about my left knee..

fuck, im nervous.

better start training now.

Playlist 2010

2010-12-31T17:38:00.003Z

Following a tradition from last year. Rishik's Playlist from his life, 2010.

Departure and Arrival
Gives you Hell by All American Rejects
Soul Sister by Train
If We Ever Meet Again by Timbaland and Katy Perry

Easter in Australia
Kids by MGMT
Opposite of Adults by Chiddy Bang

Surfers Paradise
One Last Breathe by Creed

Driving, Logan City and Leaving Australia
ONE by Yeasayer
I Wanna (Touch You) by All American Rejects
Waving flag by K naan

Kayaking, Running and Guilty Pop
Riding Solo by Jason Durelo

Eenie Meenie by Justin Bieber

Teaching in Singapore
Mary the Blues by Gaslight Anthem
Blue Jeans and White T Shirt by Gaslight Anthem
Shameless by All Time Low
Idaho by Nerina Pallot

Freshers Fortnight
Dont Stop Me Now by Queen
Homecoming by Greenday
The Gin Song

Lost in London
Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi
1901 by Phoenix
Listzomania by Phoenix
Sleepy Head by Passion Pit

Still in London
Geek Love by Nerina Pallot
Learning to Breathe by Nerina Pallot
Heres Looking at you kid by Gaslight Anthem
Everything is Alright by Motion City Soundtrack

Christmas Markets
I must be dreaming by the Maine
Little Secrets by Passion Pit

Amsterdam and the New Year
Lua by Bright Eyes
Come on Eileen by City on Film

---

This post is subject to change as my memory informs me.. for now though, im off to bricklane.

gnight world. its been a. year. =)

recommend me some rainy days

2010-12-30T19:26:00.001Z

two poems.
---

rainy days makes
wet roads out of Orchard
and cool winds gush through
glass doors as I leave Borders
on the corner of wheelock place

browsing books, and listening to music
i like being alone
though I confess I still check my phone
pre-maturely
in the hope of getting a text from you

i suck at sending replies though
always over thinking retyping words slowly
crafting tone and (double)meanings
to their most effective
pace and measure

effective(?).. in giving myself comfort at least.
clearly its never yielded any other result.

---

I like being alone in Singapore
because you always know that your being watched
this safe, high pressure of air
presses against my body
like light blankets or comforters
or the shy fleeting brushing feel of skin on skin
eyes dart away avoiding contact at all cost
what matters is I know your there

lights all the way around this island city
i wait till it gets dark, but the lights, they go
all the way round. roads never let up.
coffeeshops never close.
petrol kiosks always shining
they know something we dont.
even the parks theyve been lit up
even the sea gets not sleep
container ships from left to right
its intense this lack of darkness
its so rather. undramatic.

NOT a coffee addict. sometimes i drink tea as well.

2010-12-29T20:17:00.001Z

I really wanna try my hand at writing a comic. strip.

not regularly. but just one. to see the reception it would get.

cause i know my doodling sucks. and my sense of humour warped, absurd and dry..

but still. i'd like to try..

anyway this is the first scene, which played out in my mind. six panels.

Dude A: long distance relationships dont work!

Dude B: *Listens*

Dude A: i mean. it just goes against the very point of being in a relationship.

if the girls's not physically there, how's she gonna make you a sandwich?

Dude B: *Listens*

*Silence*

Dude B: you do know, this is why your still single, right?

Dude A: yeaa..

*Silence*

Dude A: I like the sandwiches i make, though

Dude B: glad you do.

----

The second idea I had was just this sequence. of someone dipping a biscuit into his tea. and the biscuit becomes a bit too brittle so it falls into his tea cup. so he takes another biscuit to fish out the first. and as he lifts it up, the weight of the first biscuits breaks the other biscuit and sends it down, into the tea cup as well.

it doesnt have to be a comic strip though. might make it a spoken word poem or something.

---

Reading about Van der waals forces, makes me tired and confused.

I wonder if maybe later in life, I'll ever have the luxury of learning philosophy, science and maths again..

causeway crosser

2010-12-22T03:24:00.001Z

when i was younger one of the highlights of travelling, for holidays, and staying in hotels was the thrill of using the hotel swimming pools.

KL, Malacca, JB, Batam, didnt matter where, its really was the same old joy. swimming in a pool. not like singapore didnt have a pool. or like im a huge fan of swimming. Im really not. Its oh-so uncomfortable, and, really. im quite bad at it. Id start panting like a dog in one lap. A dog would beat me at swimming actually. Any style. Im quite sure he would.

but the point is. holidays. as a little kid. was never really about seeing a city. or a country. not really. was really all about getting away from home. and being with my family.

and really, what a great idea that is.

...
leaving for amsterdam in half an hour. probably wont compare to my epic adventure of being stranded in paris. or the awesome roadtrip along the sunshine coast. or the weekend at sydney. or even easter in melbourne. but itll be great to see a familiar face again.

She thinks im crazy

2010-12-21T00:03:00.000Z

Cant stop wont stop
I must be dreaming...

---
what a life.
snowball fights
Christmas Balls with bouncy castles and chocolate fondues
bumper cars and ice skating
hyde park, portobello road, borough markets
nice comments from my criminal law tutor
running as the snow fell for the second time in my life, and the second time this year in london
dinners with family shopping by myself
looking forward to trips to museums and orchestras
movie premiers and FA cup games
playing host to so many lovely friends
spending amsterdam in christmas (if god and the weather allows)

this is just the past 2 weeks
think back for my whole time here in london.
and the list of amazing things ive done and seen.
will never end.

its a strange feeling now, schools over, people going home, but at the same time people not being able to go home.
its a great feeling, light in your heart.
truly feeling like youre on good terms with everyone you know. damn, im glad for it.

---

Return to the gym soon enough. Get around to starting revision for the January Exams.
And fundraising for KEP. Maaan, kenya is gonna be awesome.

Amsterdam too, hopefully. Strangely glad im not one of the people who are stuck in london, unable to get home. and rather, im one of those who chose not to go home this holiday. though i still miss my family of course. and the thought of the summer.

but i have their love. and im alive.
maybe wish i had someone to share it with.
all the same, for now, im feeling fine. =)

---
The Maine "I must be dreaming"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Icu5ZMkzcM

Re: Volante

2010-12-14T21:37:00.001Z

you make me feel so good

sober.

so when its time for you to go home.

what exactly, do you

suppose I do?

------

a work in progress

reve de Voler
Rishik vMenon

you make me feel like a kid again
21, barely in, and your making me feel like a kid again

youve got me singing
out of tune
youve got me laughing
out loud
youve got me brave, spilling secrets
childhood stories, not cool, not proud

..but you dont seem to care
and I feel safer in your smile
than Ive ever did
in this foreign
winter
wonder
land

---

not sure if or when ill be able to finish this piece.
shall have to wait and see

traditions and revelations

2010-12-13T19:12:00.000Z

I really gonna miss being home this christmas.
the whole family gathered in jalan pari burong, talking, catching up, eating. the chance to buy people presents. write cards. did i mention eating? the obligatory cousins picture (taken in order of height, of course). and listening to stories of days gone by.
stories which need to be told, every year, lest they be forgotten.

Im gonna miss clark quay, this holidays. the swell and rise of human beings in orchard road during december. the club scene. the feeling of freedom. the cheers to "good days ahead", with keng mun. the ritualistic drink of absinthe with dharvin on Christmas day. and then again on new years day.

traditions and revelations.

----

i miss being in the company of rishab, kannagi, biju, jithin and chechi. listening to them talk. on an everyday basis about deep philosophy, music, life, food, culture, childhoods, everything. and i might have found friends to hang with here in london. but are they the kind im gonna hang with for the rest of my life?
i dunno..
maybe if they just. started talking about deep philosophy, music, life, food, culture, childhoods, everything.

i really dont wanna impress people. or try and be funny, or appear smart.
I just wanna listen to stories. and talk theories. and share my mind. and hopefully, it wont end there. hopefully, you'll respond to my ideas with your own thoughts and views. and maybe just maybe, we'll end up talking forever. and ever. till your sister forces you to go to bed, sometime around 3am on sunday morning.

plato's cave was a brilliant idea. and im missing that too. i guess it seemed like a natural progression, after I left Australia and returned to singapore. to find that same level of intellectual stimulation I found in that apartment building on Surfer's paradise.

revel and revelations.

----

this weekend really turned me around. strange as it may sound, having not done any work, or not having contained any real direct source of inspiration. truly failing the "but, for" test of causation. but it has. and now. i find. maybe my standards and hopes in life havent been unreasonably high all along.

maybe i'll never have to settle for less, ever. and if this is true, so then are the rest of my dreams. Im gonna work hard and do well in school.

and if ever anything gets me down. i'll think about this weekend. and how amazing it was. and how i have so much to look forward to in life. you may not have changed me for the better. but maybe ive been changed for good. im ruined now, for anyone less than perfect.

----

retrospectively thinking about all the mistakes ive made in the last 2 years
its almost funny. i wish dharvin was here. he'd understand. he'd laugh.
or he'd make fun of me. and i'd laugh.

im not sure if its scary, how easily im able to narrow down the friends i see myself keeping for life.
theodore and dharvin for instance.

the trick is to think about yourself. root squared. to the basic essence. and who knows you for who you are.
the trick is to take long walks to and in parks and write poetry. since there arnt any beaches nearby.
once im done with these essays. this weekend or something.

till then, i shall just have to write this poem here in my room.

----

im having trouble, working out, how to fit into this conversation, just how beautiful your eyes are.

patron saint of day dreams

2010-12-04T11:32:00.000Z

black and white striped
counterweight boom gates
these moods dont swing
quite as much as this
conscious -ness
lying on the
border
between
states of
intoxication
and caffienation

will you count the number of rings,
brown,
on this table,
like chalk crosses
on the wall of a prison cell?

i cant pretend to empathise

they probably dont get as much sleep as I do.

long time coming

2010-12-01T18:56:00.000Z

an ol army song.
with some poetic licence and melancholic rishik flavour

--
in the early morning run
with my field pack on my back
theres an aching in my heart
and my body's full of sweat

im a long long way from home
damn, i miss my lover so
in the early morning run
when the cold wind blows

when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
i miss you so

in the early morning march
with my rifle by my side
theres an aching in my heart
papa, I dont wanna die

ive a long long way to go
damn, i miss my mama so
in the early morning march
when the cold wind blows

when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
when the cold wind blows
i wanna go home

i know
i know
i have to go
i'll hurry back home
and the cold wind blows

i wish
you knew
i love you so
i'll hurry back home
and the cold wind blows
---

Its just about winter, in London.
Things are looking up.
things are in motion.
essays being written. food being cooked.
gyms libraries
museums mosh pits
skype dates
poetry jams
and dreams of kenya

back home too things are in motion.
people passing on
life moving forward
new jobs new schools

seems like alot to deal with.
but itll work out in the end. it always does.

nice guys gotta try

2010-11-30T19:33:00.001Z

I genuinely wonder if you're like this to everyone.
sheer unforgiving bitchiness. or was it a signal i gave you, you saw, this streak in me, perhaps, that bears abuse and insult.
or is there something about my lifestyle and personality, my philosophy of life so at odds with your paradigms and world view, you see me as a symbol of everything youre against, of something that must be put down, so as to justify your own decisions.

maybe its the way you were raised. or did the company you hung around find it endearing and reward you for it?
do you see it as a strength of character. to cast judgements, put down people, make insults based on the most superficial of matters.

and its gets hard to justify how the things you say can be meant to be funny.
it doesnt even pass off as banter. low, undisguised sarcasm.
i mean if someone is genuinely pleased with their mediocre results, wheres the humour in sarcastically praising him. if someone floats an opinion, theres no wit in rubbishing his idea based on the country he's from. if someone is unaware of a particular pronunciation, what joy do you get in mimicking the mispronunciation.

its a profoundly small-minded immaturity and arrogance passing off as intelligence.

i wish i had the power to open people's minds, without having to force them to listen. i dont, of course.
i have the patience though. to keep trying. until they do.

in defence of the merlions

2010-11-26T16:21:00.002Z

I am a Singaporean. A singaporean motherson. Born and bred in the city-state. Proud of my roots, our founding story. Merdeka, merger, separation, independence. Ive got the national flag pinned up above my bed, and when filling in forms which ask me whats my ethnicity, I generally reply "Others" and fill in the words "Singaporean" in the blank.

My family's roots in the region runs deep, and I'm proud of the fact. the crescent moon and stars is a recurring theme in my collection of doodles. Ive served some time of my life in the army, and I recognize that the ORD is the beginning, not the end, of the service I shall owe my nation.

this country's my home, i havent got any other. its a place where im free to act as a private citizen, without the fear of being persecuted. it grants me the freedom of speech to say what I feel in public to people around me, and I genuinely believe in the free, open democratic nature of my government. and for all these liberties and protections, im grateful.

having said that, i now come to the story of the polo boys and their patriotic trunks. i first read about it on redsports.sg, a local online sporting journal, and i was pretty damn thrilled. what an awesome pair of trunks! finally! something truly Singaporean that would stand out in the world, at multi-national sporting competitions. for too long have we gone without a real signature emblem, a real eye-catching logo that shouts "oi!" to the world and lets them know where we are from.

not to put down the attires of our other sports teams. Im a huge fan of the Orchid on the rugby jersey, and not too opposed to the lion-head that took over. and the national flag on our national team's football jersey isnt that bad, though to be honest, rather uninspired. (Im just saying; the warwick university singapore society football logo is really miles ahead in terms of creativity and design.)

but the moon and the stars.. yes! for me, that really does it. its the one thing thats really what makes our flag, our flag. unmistakable. it has to be, the one, the only, the lion city, temasek, singapura, Singapore City, Singapore. these trunks were gonna start a revolution. they were gonna change the way we designed everything! i could see it all unfolding in my mind.

i dont care how ugly it might have been to some people. people will have opinions, and opinions split. to me, though, it seemed undeniable, that these trunks were singaporean in the most proud and unembarrassed of ways. the tabloids are free to say what they want, debate and rant. whatever, i thought. the trunks were cool.

and then I had to read about MICA's official statement, in the BBC, and a wave of disappointment swept through me.

For a government ministry to criticize the design of our national team's uniform was just sad. especially an outfit so loud and proudly nationalistic. i felt embarrassed. it just seemed unnecessary and uncalled for. it seems like a rather knee jerk defensive response by MICA to disassociate themselves from the polo team, and an unfair condemnation on the design. really, i just feel that MICA should have more important things to do, and the impression that is being given to the world at large, is that Singapore is such an oppressed state, that even the slightest of matters, such as the national polo team's trunks, is required to be vetted and approved by the Ministry.

which is not true. I refuse to believe we are a nanny state. it shouldnt be the case. we are a mature modern society. i'm just very sad when this article becomes the first thing that appears in my google news feed for "Singapore".

but whats really got to me, was the grounds on which MICA condemned the outfit: this idea that the elements of the flag were not treated with dignity. and really the implications of this, is that its gonna discourage people from using the flag creatively. its just hindering people from expressing their patriotism in one more way. which is something i really dont want to happen.

you see, identity is a huge part of patriotism. and i see it every time I travel the world. the tri-colour of the ethiopian flag as a wristband. the french tri-colour as bandanas. the union jack as bikinis, the australian flag as towels, the colours of the indian flag colours in a turban, the stars and stripes on iPhone covers. national flags are embraced and loved all over the world. its being celebrated and used by people to show their pride and heritage. but you cant do that if your afraid your gonna be breaking the law by accidentally using the flag in an "inappropriate" or "undignified" manner.

I mean look at Australia. you see their flag everywhere. on tshirts, floor mats, umbrellas, car decals, tongs, its all over the place. but just because your using the national flag to dry yourself, or your stepping all over it, doesnt mean your disrespecting it. on the contrary it shows how much your in love with your country, that you want to don its colours in every conceivable form.

and i want this to happen in singapore. i want the crescent moon and the stars on belt buckles, on towel racks, as bandanas, singlets, FBTs, whatever. I want people to be allowed to wear the flag however they please, and not leave it up on a pedestal, sacred and inaccessible. not something that we only see during August, then hide the rest of the year in our bomb shelter/ store rooms. We were going in the right direction by allowing cars to fly mini flags. but why stop there?

the obvious place for this revolution to start is in the sporting scene. and as identifiable as the flags of certain countries are, are the national jerseys of their teams. the silver fern on the all blacks, the three lions on England's football jersey, and the rose on their rugby kit. it doesnt matter that new zealand or england didnt win the world cup. people still wear their country's colours and thats patriotism. helped by the fact that their uniforms were unique and identifiable.

and thats what the polo boys' uniform was. identifiable. not a plain all red top like the Singapore Lions. too many countries in the world have red in their flags and use the colour on their jerseys. look no further than Indonesia. I remember when I was relief teaching and students were allowed to wear a red top to school. And they did. boys wearing the jerseys of liverpool, arsenal, manchester united, and even Spain. I know it sounds like im digressing, but all these issues are inter-related.

the polo boys achieved something unique and impactful. good intentioned, bold, adventurous, its what we need as a society.

and what we need is more liberalization. not more measures to keep use of our national symbols in check. more freedom to play with ALL our national symbols: the orchid, the lion head, the moon and stars. more flexibility in expression, and a greater willingness by the authorities to accept its usage.

I know that being patriotic isnt the coolest thing in Singapore, and if liberalization were to occur, not everyones gonna start rushing to shops to buy a set of red and white tees and jeans. but at least those who do want to, wont have to feel worried about disrespecting the very country, they love and celebrate.

xx
rishik

Avec vous le Virgin mobile recharge?

2010-11-07T04:06:00.000Z

rock bottom motivation
what do you wanna do with your life?
think rishik think
gotta be something
just
look around your room
clean enough.
maybe laundry
no,
thats not what i meant
i mean.
big picture. long term

(...)
nothing.
travel? no, no. i mean: productive. creative.

werent you gonna write some poems?
and a few essays?
whatever happened to those ideas.

your long walks arnt doing it for you anymore, my man. minute you come home, all you do is go online and get lost in the lives of everyone else.
need to focus. thats what you need. not another exile. this time its gotta come from within.

go to the library. gita's right. it helps.
and talk to people. stop ignoring text messages!
its pathetic. why are you so lazy?

clean up, shape up
caffeine and sugar can stay
all other indulgences will have to go
starting when?
woah. tough call here.
next week? i dunno.
will I change my mind again?
starting now. yes. lets do this. but but.. hmmm..
yeaa. starting now. do your best. just see how it goes.

what else though?
running and gyming? keep it up boy. stay healthy.
keep that heart pumping. doesnt matter what people say about you being skinny.
or about running and losing weight.
your not doing this for anyone else. youve got nothing to prove.
I'm gonna become my own perfect body. I'll do it. block out negativity.

what about saving money? its soo.. difficult.
well don't. but only spend money on important things.
like food. and stationery. anything to make doing work easier.
if its a small comfort to keep me less distracted, then buy it.
it'll be worth while in the long run.

live high and fall free.
im a law student.
on the pursuit of happiness.

I tell you now, world. i aint gonna fuck this up.

breathe easy, boy. you're uncool. and skinny. and making a mess of your studies.
but your smart enough to sort this out.
starting next week?
no. now.

next timecheck? 18th november. contract law essay due.
I wanna hear all about how youve turned things around by then, hear?
a proper plan, maybe some intellectually stimulating commentaries on the nature of photography, gay rights or nationality and ethnicity.
a poem or two. and post some pretty pictures of Europe while you're at it.
no questions? good. now off to bed, young man. its gonna be a long day ahead.

avoiding work by typing

2010-11-01T00:58:00.002Z

i honestly cant remember if ive done a similar rant/post like this before.

but well. here it goes anyway.

i feel anti-social (maybe i should post on facebook?)
i dont wanna keep up with these lives around me.
im tired.
i just wanna be with my family.
quiet. accepting. family.
im done with friendships. they dont last. never have. think back rishik.

primary school friends?
secondary school friends?
junior college friends?

its over. move on.
i dont believe in long distance.

long distance friendships.
but family. i believe in. its not a relationship. its an absolute.
its a state.
a moleculor bond. or the other one. i cant remember.
and cant be bothered to check it up.
you see, i gave up on chemistry 5 years ago, when it broke my heart.

but thats not what this post is about.

or maybe... itis. isit? yes.
think back, rishik.
how was I happy in...
primary school? friends.
secondary school? friends.
junior college? friends.

its true. mediocre at sport, music, drama, studies, i kept going purely for social reasons.
i over committed for the thrill of being around people
inadvertently (i think) the best of me was brought out due to the friends i lived my life around

and well.. somewhere along the line, things turned strange, and i became a solitary kinda man.
a little less dependent.
a little faster on the track
a little less eloquent, from not having to explain my strange dreams and philosophies to people

and see, back then, in the army, and even in australia. i had my family.

and it seems like right now.
cooking, listening to music, long showers, and afternoon naps are really doing it for me.
and im loving this intoxicated state of liberty a little too much.

but this isnt who im meant to be. and without family or motivation.
im worried.

and to be honest,
some nights, listening to music? it gets you lonely.

and i wish i had someone to listen to music with.
or hold and not speak to. just like in those damn dashboard confessional songs.
but she doesnt exist. or maybe she doesnt know I do.

so can someone please tell me.
how is it done?
have i forgotten? how to make friends, i mean.
or, having tasted perfection, have my expectations
for companionship skyrocketed beyond the market
or maybe has my own value and worth led to my fall from
the market i previously considered myself worthy

after all I am.
mediocre at sport, music, drama, studies...
not the best at what I do, not very funny, eloquent
valiantly poetic, my philosophies too radical to share
my stories too personal, my dreams too long-winded

this aint school, where you sit with the same people during lectures, where you work out tutorials together.
this requires a little more effort, than joining the same societies or taking the same bus home.
and when you walk to school, are always late, dont join any societies, and are too damn poor to go out for lunch/dinner you really have to put yourself a little bit more out there to get close to people.

a little bit more out there?
really?

but its soo much more comfortable here, though
cooking, listening to music, reading, sleeping and taking long showers.

i'll face reality next weekend.

only breakfast can save me now.

we dont have rights, we never had rights. all we have are privileges.

2010-10-27T15:48:00.000+01:00

The difference between Medicine and Poison is dosage.

Note to Self
1. Smile to strangers more often. It feels good.
2. Seems like the gravity in London is the same as that in Singapore. Said phenomena requires further investigation.
3. This seems to be longest time youve ever been away from the beach, Rishik. Smile to strangers more often.

---

I wanted to write a sad serious poem

2010-10-23T23:46:00.000+01:00

The roofie song
by Rshik Mnon

tonight
I'm looking for the easy way out!

smoke and a drink
maybe then we'll dance about

rubbish at flirting
conversational things

lets just keep on dancing
while I slip this down your drink!

----

haha. i know what ive been told, about appropriacy and how its not a real word.
but its a beautiful world, and no ones gonna hold anything against me for long. and it'll never be long, for as long as they hold it.

a master stroke; syllogistic meandering
and I'm done.

My year in weeks

2010-10-22T20:12:00.003+01:00

Week1-Week4 Singapore
Week4-Week13 Gold Coast
Week13-Week14 Melbourne/Canberra
Week14-Week23 Gold Coast
Week23-Week24 Sydney/Gold Coast/Noosa
Week25-Week25 Gold Coast
Week25-Week37 Home
Week37-Week44 London
Week44-Week44 Paris/London
Week45-Week45 Brussels/Rotterdam/Den Haag
Week45-Week51 London
Week51-Week51 Amsterdam
Week52-Week52 London

(Speaks the math geek within...
40% in Australia
30% in Asia
30% in Europe)

maybe.. home aint such a bad idea after all.

Variations

2010-10-17T23:54:00.000+01:00

Lion City
Born and Bred
Cut see
this blood bleeding
white and red
Cant get these
moon and stars
out of my head
im a singaporean
son
live it up
till Im dead

Your so beautiful when you convince yourself

2010-10-13T00:44:00.002+01:00

nothing like listening to
academy is
dashboard confessional
newfound glory

to bring me back to my days in St Pats.

ANYWAY
21st October
Gaslight Anthem

I am soo there. how do I type something this epic this calmly?
must be from watching all those Old Spice Commercials.

out.

I wonder if i could pick up fire twirling here?

2010-10-01T01:42:00.000+01:00

Cant seem to find the beach anywhere. here in old london town. good ol

ol london town.

But there is a park. I know.

And a moon too.

And MAybe if i keep looking, I'll just end up finding something

that maybe I didnt know I was looking for.

Purple as purpose.

Im tired of small talk.

"how you going?" "where you from?"

"what?" "law readings?" "are you?" done.

tired. or maybe just- not in the mood.

at the moment

meaning

there's no denying

how

these stories dance around me

like kindling to my arson eyes

waiting to be born, yea, told

I want to hear them sing

like a choir

to a preacher

I want to believe

what they have to say

and sway!

as they tell me complicated

simple histories

maybe move!

explanations of your decisions

how did you did you

reach this transition

feel!

I want to be inspired

not relate, no

thats not required

for this magic

i am all ears

and all quiet

hungry

anticipation..

i am an audience..

so please start

whenever your ready

i'll wait

wont move

no worries

you see

its too tiring

tonight

for this small talk

and ive always been a believer

in spontaneous combustion.

get out of it. get into it.

2010-09-26T04:10:00.000+01:00

im in the zone.

im out of it.

im running away.

im working this.

im getting there.

im taking time.

im awake i think.

im doing fine.

doing fine.

gimme time

ill do just fine.

---

"Look! Its a cow!"

".. thats a horse."

"I didnt know ducks could fly"
"..."

"I cant believe I was nodding off during the show.. Thank god its over!"

(after a while)

"Uhm. This is just the interval."

---

surely ill start writing sooner or later

surely ill get my camera out there

just need time

sleep.run.sleep.

working this.

working this out.

hey look on the bright side. you know how to cook.

and its only been a week.

no big rush.

this show will get started. soon.

enough.

right. after.

a little bit more sleep.

Majulah Singapura

2010-08-09T05:32:00.002+01:00

Lion City
Born and Bred
Cut, this blood,
Bleeds White and Red

-
Cheers
Rishik Vijayadas Menon

--
I really really like the skyline on this card. makes me wanna get it, for that one reason.
sign. talk about successfully appealing to the patriotic market

and google aint doing too bad either.

nice

2010-08-05T17:12:00.000+01:00

its days like this i feel good about.
days where things could have so easily gone wrong.
where my laziness could have won.
but it didnt turn. and omg, thankfully it didnt. because if it did, it would have never come close to this.

Starting early in TJ.
Running without stopping during AHM training (13 click)
Checking out Plato's Cave's Words and Worlds and writing three poems while I was there.

I feel fucking good, people. Physically. Mentally. And not at any social cost. I knew all along this was possible. And here I am. Not sacrificing the things that matter to me. Living the life. healthy.

healthy.

--

OH before I forget. here are the poems I wrote.

Home By Rishik Menon

The house didnt look too happy by now.
Scrapped Paint, empty hallways, pianos and bedframes smashed to a
void deck friendly size pile of wood lying in empty rooms ready to let go
of past memories, ready to be passed on to the next three bedroom plus one
extended family meeting racial quotas and CPF, HDB guidelines the endless
string of legal requirements regulations, no not allowed to start renovation, yes
the loans have been approved, I wished you wouldnt bring up the dog again,
we knew this would eventually happen, like such voices
too loud disturb the thoughts, the house as its thinking
like a sentence. in the middle. the house. it was thinking of something.
A family once lived here.

Your earring
By Rishik Menon

So I need to let you know, that your earrings missing
You know know. The one you got for my birthday those
ears ago.
I know you think my hole has closed, but well. Truth be told
Ive been testing trying, not nightly, sometimes, most nights fine
I take that ear ring, eyes half close, unstable fingers figure that rod into my skin
know. knowing that it still fits, knowing that some part of you stays somewhat close to me,
I sit knowing very well how sad and loserific
this would sound, were word to ever get out.
But so, so tonight tonight I just thought I should let you know
that your ear rings missing.
Sitting clumsy lonely fingers figuring a way to stick that metal into my skin, lack of practice or maybe a certain destiny, wirtten in the stars, led me to let go, instant and moment and
I imagine I hear a faint click as metal hit the floor I dont know
I check the dusty corners unswept rich history and layers of life untouched but..
I'll have to clean up some other day. but tonight. your ear rings missing. and i thought i should let you know.

cost of fun

2010-08-04T16:41:00.000+01:00

$20 - Fishing rod and gear
$36 - 1 Game of Paintball
$14 - 2 Hours, Badminton Court Rental
$10 - 1 Hour, Kayak Rental
$12 - 1.5 Hours of Pool
$131 - Corrine Bailey Rae's Concert
$12 - Movie tickets with popcorn

And I dont ever want to see this stop.
Day and Night I dream of living up.

So maybe it is possible. To stay healthy, gym, kayak, run, play badminton.
Have a job, earn cash.
Read fiction and philosophy on the way to work.
Go for poetry readings and philosophy discussions.
Best of both worlds or bust. We dont settle for less than what we must.
Must. Must have it all.

Black Jack

2010-06-24T21:55:00.000+01:00

like only an SAF machine gunner knows how to scream:

"tweeeeennnnyy-one!!"

Its over, people

21 weeks in Australia

has just ended.

so in celebration of this occasion, I present to yee..

The top 21 reasons that has made my trip so worthwhile!!

Wheeee~~

21 Riding the Waves!!

Just that short 2 hour encounter in the sea, was so worth those 50 buckeroos.

20 Riding a Jetski.

and getting my queensland boat licence while I was at it. Crazy, dangerous, heart pulsating, totally worth it

19 Running at the Brisbane Twilight Half Marathon as a pacerunner

was a new experience. was still kinda nervous. But yeaa. was a good experience.

18 Teaching at TAFE.

A good experience all in all. and something to put in the resume.

17 Checking out the local music/art/theatre scene.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Le Concert, Blues at Broadbeach, Bongoes at Burleigh, Ruby Moon, as well as all the random musicians, at the Gold Coast Arts Centre, and those bars and pubs at Broadbeach and Surfers.

16 Visiting the 3 capital cities on the East Coast: Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane

.... say wha? canberra who? haha.

15 Experiencing my first winter.

albeit without snow.

14 Learning how to budget.

I may not run a tight ship. But I have gained insight into how lose it actually is.

13 Seeing Australia like a true tourist!

Murwillumbah, Nimbin, Mt Tamborine, Mt Dandenong, Burleigh Heads, Noosa Heads, Stardbroke Island. This gorgeous wilderness has barely been scarred by my DSLR. I really wish I took more pictures of this pretty pretty scenery.

12 Learning to Cook!

Possibly the most important lesson of all

11 Teaching the students of Masan University

Funny bunch. unforgettable experience.

The Top Ten...

10 Easter Break.

Meeting my best bro, Dharvin and Kiran. nothing short of awesome.

9 Making a whole heap of friends on the Gold Coast from all over the world.

The diversity is unbelievable. And now I cant wait to travel the world, and visit them in their home towns.

8 Road Trip to Sunshine Coast.

541 Km. 3 days 2 nights. And to spend that time with my family. Incredible.

7 Russell Peters Live.

OMG! Where do I start!?

6 Learning French.

Really doubt I would have progressed far in Singapore.

And now for the top 5...

5 Certificate IV in TESOL

I think this warrants at LEAST a top 5 finish. since it took so much of my money

4 Spending time with Anni and Anna.

Cause they are family.

3 Visiting Byron Bay.

The most beautiful place in the world. Hands down.

2 Spending more time with chechi.

Even though she left for Singapore in April. Haha. nice planning.

and finally... number ONE!!

1 Spending time with Yuvi

sigh. Hands down.
I mean really. "haaaavee you me YUVI?"

----

. ..

twe lve weeks left in Singapore.

I dont k n ow whats gonna h appen ...

but I know its gonna be fast . .

and now... I see it coming.

Ahh such a rewarding career! Not financially NO..

2010-06-18T09:25:00.001+01:00

It is no secret that my family has been happily producing humans of the teaching breed since time immemorial. We have no idea who was responsible for this sick ass curse, but it has been pretty damn powerful. The numbers dont lie, and the last two generations of Angappans thus far show no sign of stopping this tragic trend.

As of today, amongst my parents, aunties and uncles, we have:

1 Principal

2 Tertiary level Lecturers

1 Early Childhood Educator

1 Retired Teacher

1 Ex-Child Care Centre Manager

Amongst my siblings and cousins

2 Principals

3 Teachers (Primary/Secondary Level)

1 Tertiary level Lecturer

---

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Come next week

June 25th 2010

I will have completed my last week of

practicum teaching and would be officially

certified as a

TESOL Teacher.

God-forbid this doesn't take over my life.

These words: A series of poems

2010-06-06T02:22:00.003+01:00

these words are like

prisoners

within me

needing to escape

they riot

unsettle

stir

my soul

I cant clam them down

refugees

seeking

grammatical asylum

they know their lot

is lost

in this boat,

internally displaced phonemes

they

rage a storm

within

my waters

barrage

and

batter

against

my borders

till one day

I grant them

freedom

but I

know their

intention

so I keep these words

under

prolonged

detention

for truly

I fear

once loose

the power

of these words

Blame it on the weather love

2010-05-31T18:43:00.001+01:00

I have been planning this song for a long long time now.

since november last year..

Its probably gonna be one of my all-time favourites.

so much effort to perfect the rhythm and words.

fucking mainstream 4-chord guitar acoustic emo rock pop songs.

but after 8 months of incubation

the time has come to stop holding it back

and release this work to the world

---

Blame it on the weather, Love

by Rishik Vijay Menon

Fell for your lines in the library

reading out loud like a mainstream movie

playing out the parts of a private scene

you were playing to the hopes of my lemon tea dreams

where maybe tonight you can sit on my lap
then i take the last bus as you take the cab back
summer lasts forever in the singapore sense of the

weather now its raining cause we're meant to be together

walking to the park to the beach to the jetty

i'll walk you to your doorstep, but first you got to let me

take you on a tour through my playground memories

your planning for the future but I hunger for your history

free from the boundries of void deck games

for soccer balls I dived down the monsoon drains

we only just met, but your accents kinda changed

it took you three tries to remember my name

your voice turned

silence silver

why did you turn it back gold

Im not one

for small favours

take back your apologies, and just go

we fell in love in the april showers

running for refuge to the bird watchin tower

sleepless from the second first kiss under cover

i was losing my mind to flying ants and cicadas

spending recess-break buying post-recital flowers

phone plans were tested in the silent hour

of the morn when the shine of the street lights won

the glory of the stars in this tropical dawn

Only catching sleep when I dreamt through econs

the lectures felt deep and my desk felt warm

you doodled out a poem on the back of my palm

notes feeling so right, though my answers were wrong

like, running after trains which didnt wanna wait

left home an hour early, cause you swore that I'd be late

sharing kaya toast and coffee, catching sunlight off a plate

then you nearly made me choke, when you said this felt like fate

your voice turned

silence silver

why did you turn it back gold

Im not one

of small favours

take back your apologies, and just go

---

you stole my breathe down bugis street

melted me away in the August heat

like fireworks your smile made my heart skip a beat

the sound of your laughter mobilised me to my feet

you held my hand at the park, fort canning

then you broke my heart, like I always saw it coming

"did you really think this was gonna last forever?

if you really need a reason, you can blame it on the weather..."

thunder turned

silence silver

and stormclouds turned it back gold

Im not one

to last the weather

your hurricane has yet to let me go

your voice turned

silence silver

why did you turn it back gold

I cant stand

These small favours

So take your apologies

and just go.

the murder is in the mixture

2010-05-31T04:21:00.003+01:00

panadol and cabernet sauvignon

by rishik

in so much pain

im terrified, of the world

of memories of flashing blue and red

on my rear view mirror

and dreams of driving forever

against the flow of traffic

i blast the heater

and confuse left turns for right

i want to go home so bad

and if i were to die, whos gonna

be the ones cleaning up the

wreckage

the bodies

who will pay

for the funeral

who will call my parents every saturday

or play with my nephew

im terrified and

every red light

feels like

forever

I wait

at the slip roads

cant trust anyone now

certainly not myself

zebra crossings appear out of no where

my hearts drops, as I drive on through.

there was no one there.

40 kph feels unbearably fast

and my eyes dart back and forth,

from speedometer to speed limits

and again memories, of sirens

and flashing jams of red and blue

i consider pulling over and cuddling up

to sleep

but oh

I oh

I wanna go home

so bad right now

i wanna i wanna go

in the distance

i see a face looking at me

and i dont know what happened.

if the car stopped

and i got out

or if maybe

i slowed to such speeds, that

i was able to gawk for so long

or maybe, quite likely,

I drove straight

as per normal

but the power in that stare was so intense

I felt its impact all the way home

it wasnt a stare

it was a moment

we shared

me and her

from that far

to that near

pointed ears

eyes that reflected my

headlights

and whose colour i'll; never quite be sure of

not smiling looking at me

out of concern

maybe fear

or maybe even a terrible spiteful contempt

hoping for my crash

a beautiful long white fur coat

my eyes left the road from then on

and i could not think of anything else

except when was the last time

I had seen someone so

damn

beautiful

god knows what happened after that

where the time went

and how I got home last night

Day late friend

2010-05-29T09:02:00.000+01:00

I was just talking to Sakina about feeling old. and unaccomplished. but you know what...

fuck it.

cause I am...

(DRUMS!)

---

Still waiting

for my

first grey hair

or my first

paycheck

or my

first grey

anywhere

still single

no problem

without

army allowance

no more

homework

essays

deadlines

Im just

walking

Im rocking

Still living free

And mentally

no where close to

twenty three

Im as young as

I'll ever be

why did I need this

law degree

still clueless to the situation

of wars and life outside this nation

still unsure of the right proportion

of milk to add to my thayir saadam

They claim, Im hopelessly too hopeful

My driving style experimental

well I shant let them fault my tempo

no crime in taking time so gentle

and I wont be moved by

what I'm told

Cause Im still growing up

But I'm Not old

and while they treat,

this world just like a stage

All my life

I only ever

Act my age

---

Turning English-Speakers into Orotund Linguists

2010-05-27T13:34:00.010+01:00

(while talking about the weather..)

"your one of those guys where the glass is 3/4 full"

"if its not full, its probably a really big glass"

---

(while talking about pirates)

"do you know why pirates are called pirates?"

"ehh.. "

"because they ARGHHH!!"

---

(talking about getting high)

"wow, you really dance to your own rhythm, dont you?"

"why, thank you!"

---

(talking about homework)

"If you leave work till the last minute, you only take a minute to finish it."

---

Jokes in bad tastes

(after listening to the computer-voice in dictionary.com)

"Its like one of those guys in a wheelchair"

(Juliet stares in shock)

"land mines dont kill people. people who step on landmines kill people."

---

really starting to love the people here.

All the same, as much as I love them

cant wait for this course to be over.

cheers mate.

I think this is winter

2010-05-18T17:27:00.002+01:00

I think this is winter.

This cold.

Temperature.

Not emotion.

Walking to southport beach was the smartest thing I did all day.

And today, being alone was not a cause for sadness.

Solitude brought happy memories,

time to contemplate

and a freedom from people.

all notions which I have

been in want of

and am grateful for

now it has come.

I walked up and down, and the beach and sky was beautiful.

the sound of the sea,

the birds in the sky.

then sitting down and finding those two seashells.

Im not a romantic kinda guy, but those sea shells were gorgeous.

It didnt make me miss anyone.

or particularly nostalgic.

I just really thought, how pretty they were.

and how much I wish I could make friends with other people who appreciate this same sort of simple profound poetry in nature, that I see.

this was real.

real cold too.

but sitting there in my shorts and thongs(or slippers. or chapals.) I was dealing with it.

happy to have the sun up.

happy to be reading, and to not have any immediate concerns or worries

like hunger, homework or social obligations weighing on my mind.

my escape has been a success after all.

oh god, did I mention it was cold?

I spent nearly 2 hours in that cold beach park.

felt like the whole day.

or maybe it just made the whole day memorable.

this can not define my australia experience in any way.

the hard and cold lesson of Australia thus far has been

budgeting, organising, planning, sacrificing and lots and lots

or initiative to break the inertia.

but the beach. today.

it was an escape. and thank god for escapes.

now i think I mentioned happy memories.

I suppose it wont hurt to share a few.

sitting with prem at starbucks at clark quay.

sitting with soefie in the TJ library.

studying with kubo at marine parade library starbucks.

sitting with amitha at fort canning park after some exam.

taking a bus with jasvir and de wei from st pats to changi airport.

sitting with lizzy at east coast park after getting back some exam results.

---

Songs in my mind

as I sat on the cold beach front.

"Konstantine" Something Corporate

"Beautiful Rescue" This Providence

"Adelaide" Anberlin

"Weather" Rishik Menon

jason durelooo~

2010-05-18T09:33:00.003+01:00

iyaz and his shitty music videos are really comforting.

its sucha throwback to the 90s, of simple uncomplicated editing and story lines.

and i especially love how simple yet catchy his two singles have been so far.

"solo" and "replay".

its nice, you know?

his existence.

and how there is still sweet lubby dubby love in this cynical age; especially so in hip hop and RnB.

---

"Feeling like a star, you can't stop me shining"

Jason Durelo

"IN MY MIND"

Eddie Izzard

shake shake shake shake-eh shakit!

2010-05-06T11:52:00.002+01:00

Its a victory for lousy dancers everywhere

oh love.

---

now on a serious note..

to be in UCL would be crazy.

A fucking top university in the world.

studying law.

with the best students in the world.

people who are gonna be sharp, clever, intelligent

scholars, geniuses, the best of the best.

and im gonna have to find my way in the midst of it all.

Im gonna have to try and survive.

in a foreign country, too.

and try and do more than just survive,

maybe even thrive,

just to justify my parents in sending me there.

its gonna be insane. all that pressure, all that expectation to live up to

I cant even imagine the type of people whose company Im going to be in

these 120 or so others who will, all one day, be out there, making big names for themselves.

I dont know how I'll be able to do it.

But I want to try. and I know if I can make it through the admissions

it means I'm really not a lost cause after all.

"Im happy for you. You deserve to go to the best university you can go to"

Soefie

"Dont sign on. You won't be happy. You need a job where you will use your head"

Mr Rajesh

"he has his wings and he's going to do his own thing"

Mrs Nelly during the parent-teacher-dialogue

"I know the people who are in OCS. and there is nothing that they have, that we don't have."

Me, during my last week in SISPEC

Some of the most memorable motivational sayings from real life...

about 5 months to go. or less.

I have so much to do...

---

one last thing.

---

I have to stop searching wikipedia, yahoo!answers and google news for useless information and get down to proper reading/writing!!!

Vijayadas means the Victorious Servant, not Servant of the Victorious.

2010-04-27T12:16:00.002+01:00

My middle name is Vijayadas

A poem in the making

by Rishik Menon

I suffer from the underdog complex.

hooked to it. My whole life Ive been playing the underdog,

finding ways to play it.

Throwing myself into situations of no turning back.

Or biting more than I can chew.

Of falling sick on the day of the race

Of holding back till the end, and

Giving more than I can handle

Its a disease,

its malignant its chronic all at the same time

this need this desire to fight stigma

stereotype and society

I am constantly pinning the world against myself

Just so I can prove them wrong.

I am the rebel for the greater cause

I am the perpetual player of the underdog

writing myself into stories

of sure doom and zero expectations

and blocking out advice

turning deaf ears to positivity and belief anyone else

might have in me

just so I keep this one-man-show

lonely and as tragic a battle as I can make it

I am the underdog

constantly climbing to new heights

so I may dive just a little bit further from shore

to qualify as being out of my depth.

for eternal underdogs, like me

need new challenges, new barriers to break

and new truths to prove wrong.

I am the thrill seeker, the adrenaline junkie

the man looking to be put into his place,

so he may take himself out.

I am against all odds

losing sight of shore

the silent killer

the unexpected champion

the little fellow with big dreams

just stay little, now fellow,

and the story will be a big one,

the dark horse

the losing bet

the self-confessed lover

of running second best

the only confidence this hustler

is playing with is his own

the underdog

can't rear his head till the last lap

and if and when he does pull it off

his satisfaction will be fleeting

and any evidence of past glory

soon gets lost in white washed history

cause victory for the underdog

becomes incongruous

and does nothing to satiate this

special diet.

fulfilling and draining

a vicious feedback loop

he must move on

forever setting himself up for the fall

forever striving for

and never relishing

that bitter bitter

need to get the world to believe in him

and the story

of the underdog.

---

Another poem I was working on.

Just thought I'll share a small sneak...

...He's the rebel for

the greater cause

And She's a goddess

and Im just lost

for words

in between these dreams

well cause it seems

that such great things are coming

near me

though recklessly

and Ive yet to find a way

to let it be...

good to be drinking

2010-04-17T09:39:00.002+01:00

---
The kopishop Soundtrack
OR
Breaking my addiction for artificial love
by Rishik Vijayadas

Sweet

Lime

Sugarcane

Your the first girl

that made me wait

a day

I missed

Just spent on

counting minutes

To the last parade

and white collared train

trying hard to be different

but I feel the same

I cant

resist

I got to

make you notice

Rose

Syrup

Carnation Milk

I cant go on

while Im feeling jilted

but you still

insist

"boy I

wish you made it

for the wine high banter

cause it felt amiss

without your laughter

and the chance of a kiss"

I fall in disarray

How could I

not have known this?

cause your

Milo Powder

Dinosaur

Your

home-made

lemonade

its so much more

real than anything

I had ever tasted

before I met you

My time was wasted

Last 5 years spent

overdosing

on phosphoric acid

alcohol,

and caffeine

So this change you offer

is worth such a try

Never have I known

Such a natural high~

Sweet

Lime

Sugarcane

Your the first girl

thats made me feel

this awake

Ive got to

Let you

Know this

---

The things I do for food

2010-04-16T13:23:00.003+01:00

Oh blasphemy, irreverence, apostasy.

Dont hate me for the following post . I really dont mean it.

but I do...

o_0

TOP 5 REASONS

Why Going to Sunday Mass beats Friday Night Bhajans

5. You dont miss rugby/cricket/soccer matches on Sunday morning

4. In mass, you actually get to sit on real chairs

3. Mass is held in English.. I understand English

2. Im not worried about losing my shoes at the doorstep, when I enter a church

and the number one reason being!!

*drum roll*

1. You get to do the sign of the cross!

---

sigh. you dont get it, people. the sign of the cross is that fun..

anyway..

---

The most important reason why I went for Bhajan

You dont need to be baptised to get free food

True story.

Peace.

Last I asked for your advice

2010-04-12T04:36:00.003+01:00

I realise now, what I miss most about being in St Pats and in TJ was having an identity, which was defined for me by other people.

An identity I embraced and cherished.

It was that spirit of peer-based endorsement, so loathed by the Fountainhead, that gave me some strange sorta purpose or joy in life.

Kay I take that back. Not purpose. But definitely a cheap thrill.

I dont know how or when it happened, but this concept of being mature or growing up has found a bad taste in my mouth, and new worries have started dominating my life.

One being money.

The other, most irritating of all, is girls.

This may start to sound cheesy, but I really doubt I ever had a problem with girls before. I was never the desperate sort. I was always comfortable either by myself or with someone else. If I fell for a girl, I generally fell for one, for long periods of time too. And even then it never really consumed my personal life, or who I was. There would also be random crushes, who I would joking gush about to my friends, or talk of, as an amusing opener into the topic of my romantic incompetence.

But suddenly I was in the army, and suddenly I was single. It was cool for a while, but the environment eventually got the better of me. I was forming new crushes, and just as efficiently forgetting them. With almost nothing else to look forward to, it was almost exhausting. I couldn't take it, not having anyone to share my life with. This sick obsession grew concurrently with another demonic desire, this sudden need to be "cool".

And the game went on. Clubbing. Looking for girls. Spending money on the most ridiculous of manners. It was fucking exhausting. And I couldnt keep this game up of trying to be what someone else wanted me to be.

I couldnt keep up. But it was still in me. This psychotic desperation, this quiet possibilities, whispers bouncing off mirrored walls, like a positive feedback loop, intensifying in agony and madness.

My best distractions were running and writing. But it was never enough. I tried photography, but even that wont do for the long run. Without getting to the root of the problem, I will always lapse in judgement to the beast, and drunk text messages will escape my rationality, like it did last weekend.

So if becoming despo is the symptom what then is the virus.

And I believe Gita might have caught the essence of it, though I doubt she would have realised.

Its loneliness.

If anything, loneliness and solitude is the cause of my current malady.

My need for friendship so gluttonously satisfied in St Patrick's and again in Temasek, kept me sane, and allowed me to admire beautiful girls, and fall in love (two mutually exclusive activities) at my own time and pace.

In all honesty, I was unpopular in the army. I never really fit in. I barely did in BMT, kinda got a better grasp of things in SISPEC, and then lost touch in OCS, and later on in my unit.

And really then, was it not during this time in my life, when companionships become so scarce that I worked doubly hard at finding the next best thing?

With this equation now worked out, in hand, for our disposal, the assumed next step is, how do we stop it?

Frankly my dear, I really dont know.

Its not like Im gonna go out of my way to make loads of friends. You cant force those things. I mean look at my time in the army. Some people just clique, while others dont. Sometimes you find your kind. Your soul sister, as Train might say. In my case, Im just gonna have to be natural and take things at their own time.

Well.. Tahan la. Tahan this slight period of loneliness. And keep my lapses of judgement in check.

I suppose some things are just beyond us. I suppose what I need to do, is remind myself, I am not ready for a relationship, and that what I REALLY want are my friends back. I miss them all, and I want them all back. I need that schedule in life, I need activities, I need my release outlets and most importantly I need my mates.

So wake up, now buddy. Its a new week. Lets start this life on the right foot.

You know what I mean.

Do your laundry, clean the dishes (even if its not yours! I know you hate it when other people dont! But relax.. it's all gonna be alright.. great Im talking to myself.. on my blog.. which really isnt that bad, when you think about it...anyway where was I? or right) write your essay, finish your poem, make lunch, go to facebook and wish people "Happy Birthday!", then stop procrastinating and mail out those letters to Soefie and Riane and Sara and everyone else you were supposed to keep in touch with. Be a true friend rishik.

Not some half fuck asshole, who only cares about himself.

Be a true proper friend and make yourself worthy.

You cant force anyone to fall in love with you.

But you can make yourself easier to fall in love with.

Yeap. Thank god for plastic surgery and alcohol.

..kidding kidding!

But on a different note. Ive gotta give up on this caffeine. And finish Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses.

down and out

2010-04-08T03:38:00.004+01:00

Timbaland and Katy Perry

"If we ever meet again"

MTMG

"Kids"

---

Somethings get me down.

But somethings get me back up.

Like talking to rannald.

or my parents.

and im feeling better.

lifes not perfect but Im back from Melbourne and Canberra.

Im not home, but its as close as it gets.

God, I love my family.

How will I survive without them.

shoe be do be do bob

2010-03-27T06:36:00.003Z

To the tune of the chorus of Jay Brannan's 'Soda Shop'

Shoe be do be do bob

I over did it with the photoshop

Thanks for being my fan in

facebook and in deviantart.

dream running

2010-03-24T10:40:00.002Z

"we cant even see this start t0 stop

day and night we dream of living up"

----

Im dream running right now.

Do you understand?

not rushing

heart aint pacing

but im still running

this be a marathon, my love

no race of haste

Its hard work

but we make it happen

and when I say we, do I really mean me?

but thats too deep, yea whatever, i say

and so then, words stay, and we make it happen, I say

we make our dreams come true

we bring our plans to life

this is putting your money where your mouth is

this is the grey area between talk and walk

and its grey like the track

the tarmac

the surface of the city

where feats and feet take off

running

---

Pacing for Brisbane Twilight Half Marathon? Done

Surfing over the weekend? Done

Tickets to Melbourne and Canberra for easter? Bought

Taking photographs? Hell yeah

Cooking? Two dinners in a row

Reading? As Always

Writing? 8 poems concurrently in the works

Learning French? Next month

keeping in touch with people back home? I try

Im still lacking I can see, but dont think im not chasing

im chasing, and winning, right now, im dream running

"we cant ever see this start to stop

day and night we dream of living up"

----

doesnt that sound familiar

2010-03-02T12:43:00.000Z

bff

by rishik

This aint a love letter

I aint in love with yer

And ive got half the mind

and all the time

to let this feeling slide

but just to make it clear

I need to let you hear,

my dear, (I'm so sincere)

"I need you by my side"

---

girl, your stunning

2010-02-21T02:37:00.000Z

staying positive.

certain words in uncertain times.

"Sir! the enemy has surrounded us on all fronts!!"

"excellent. We can attack them from any direction!"

"The weathers promises to get better"

"But its pouring!"
"Yeaa.. So it can only get better right?"

"Of course I'll have to mark you eventually; And it will have to be either 'pass', or 'yet to pass'."

-----

saturday mornings smell like love

promising new beginnings

meant for hot coffee and hotcakes

we dont know why we shower or shave

or smell extra pretty

then smile like happy secrets..

but we do so anyway.

-----

Low tide

2010-01-24T17:47:00.002Z

Ive been on a high, for the past 3 months. From October when I first started clearing my NS leave till today the tide has been rising.

Its been smooth sailing people.

but im not a sailor so I'll use another metaphor that hits closer to home.

Ive been kayaking with the current.

And Ive had nothing to complain about.

Of course in October when I went to Gold Coast for my sisters graduation it was utter relief. One of the best holidays of my life. The weather, Yuvadev, shopping, helping around the house, the bbq, surfers paradise, visiting griffiths and Bond. And not having a phone or any internet. I was free.

The next milestone I passed was my ORD. And of course the things that happened in that period.

Clearing out of camp.

Dharvin's House Party.

Piercing my eyebrow.

Changing my name officially.

And at the same time meeting my old friends. And writing. I grew to look forward to the Open Mic Sessions held every alternate friday at the Writers Centre. Same time, I didnt stop running.

Standard Charted was terribly slow for my own standards, and I know I could have cut that time by an hour. But I didnt care. I was happy. I was content and in love. Not with anyone. But with life.

December was the time of the Pathlight camp, and I swear I learnt so much from those two weeks. And I really do miss it. So much. The kids were incredible. To say the least.

There was kayaking. The courses and of course the leisurely paddles around pasir ris and sembawang.

And more parties. Vanessa's christmas party. My BBQ at edgewater. Kiran's farewell. Cousins gatherings at Jalan Kayu and Ang Mo Kio. And nights at O Bar with the guys.

I had no excuse to feel bored. ever. It was day after day of activity, exciting and interesting.

I never let myself rot.

I met friends from Temasek, St Pats. I went rock climbing, I cycled to Marina barrage.

I went jamming at Brandon's house, I played pool.

I watched great movies, Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, 3 Idiots.

I kept taking photographs. kept reading. I skated again for the first time in maybe 2 or 3 years?

While I admit I had my shortcomings. I never found a proper job. But I did apply to be a Pace Setter in the Brisbane Half Marathon and I got it. I also volunteered to adjudicate at TJ's U16 debate invitationals.

Its not like Ive totally neglected my self development. I suppose Ive been doing it in other artistic forms. Neil Gaiman, Lyrics from Lockdown, Can Change, Pink Kisses, Mango Dollies. And Ive also been going places Id normally never go. KL for holiday and a Basketball Match, Singapore Slingers vs KL dragons.

Its the 25th of Jan, and its 2.30 in the fucking morning and I cant sleep. But all this while, the time Ive spent up till now... It felt right.

Its been good, and it doesnt feel like its flown by. It feels blo

ody long ago to be honest. But it also feels well spent and productive.

But now. Right now. That the tides have changed, and I feel like Ive running out of time. Now that schools restarted and im almost out of cash. Im thinking and feeling.

How is THIS so different from being in camp?

THIS insomnia. and I have no one to call. THIS loneliness. THIS sadness. THIS hasnt changed one bit.

I may have left my uniform and my responsibilities.

But Im still a sad lonely boy who cant sleep at night, and is just stirring with restless emotion.

3 months have gone and Ive done a good job of distracting myself. Ive been happy and energized. But Im leaving Singapore this Friday. And the sad realization that maybe this is all life has left to offer me for January is unsettling. Is that really it for now? Am I going to leave without saying goodbye to so many people?

I guess I am. I was worried about this quite a while back.

then when I ORD things arnt gonna change. That my classmates would remain as distant as ever. We have grown too far apart, and there is nothing I can do to change that. and thats exactly how it is now.

Its Monday morning, and I cant sleep. I might as well be in camp. I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow. There is no one for me to talk to right now. Im simply not close enough to anyone online. And Im restless. Whats the big deal now. That I have my handphone by my side? So I know that no one is calling me? I might as well be in the army. Where solitude is norm, and misery is always on the look out for company.

Well, rishik, old boy. Lifes not all rainbows and butterflies. Next week, its gonna be a whole new ball game. So why not just call it quits for tonight. Quit while your ahead. and ready your ship for your next big adventure. Its right around the corner.

if you wanna ride we ride.

2010-01-02T16:33:00.002Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bm5TZX5hz3g&feature=fvst

links to youtube music videos.

Not a virus, but equally infectious.

---------------------------------------

Faking familiarity,

four weeks felt like

forever. falling for you.

Rock and Roll by Eric Hutchinson

Give you Hell by All American Rejects.

By the way, I have mastered the bass tabs for "dance inside".

Its gonna be a good year.

Ladies and Gentlemen. Its 2010.

Blueprints for City Friendships

2009-12-18T16:00:00.003Z

Drive to the Bus stop. Bus to Changi. Kayak to Pasir Ris. Walk home. Reverse.

When I hear the word LUXURIOUS... I think of two things.. Long hot showers. and Lazy uninhibited sleep.

If I cant pull of an eyebrow piercing no one else can..No, really, please don't pull it off.

I'm going to become a "full time writer".. which always sounds much nicer than "unemployed"

From Malabar to Malacca to Singapore to the Gold Coast. I trace my family lineage to the cities of the sea.

candy cane empire island city state

2009-11-28T10:57:00.004Z

Playlist for 2009

New Years High

'Lollipop' Framing Hanley

'Just Dance' Lady Gaga

Obama's Inauguration

'Its a new Day' Wil.I.Am

Maybe March

'Sex is On Fire' Kings of Leon Cover/ In Current Standing

'I Turn my Camera on' Rock Kills Kids

'Love Save the Empty' Erin McCarley

Sundown Marathon Training

'All These Things that I have Done' Killers

'Handlebars' Flobots

'Sophia' Nerina Pallot

Happiness

'Portland Maine and the Pouring Rain' The City on Film

'I Can Feel a Hot One' Manchester Orchestra

'When did your heart go missing' Rooney

'Dismantle.Repair' Anberlin

Sad Times

'Inevitable' Anberlin

'My Favourite Accident' Motion City Soundtrack

Merry Month of May

'Break Even' The Script

'Green Light' John Legend

Holiday Season

'The Way I Am' Ingrid Michaelson

'Leavin' Jesse McCartney

'How Do You Sleep' Jesse McCartney

Anberlin Concert

'Adelaide'

'Day Late Friend'

Army Half Marathon

'I Got a Feeling' Black Eyed Peas

'Make it Mine' Jason Mraz

Birthday

'Weightless' All Time Low

'Cross my Heart' Mariana Trench

'Big Girls Don't Cry' Fergie

Pre-ORD High

'The War' Melee

'Mrs Officer' Lil Wayne

'Fun house' Pink

ORD

'Body Language' Jesse McCartney

'Most Beautiful Girl' Flight of The Conchords

'Empire State of Mind' Jay-Z

------

Looks like it hasnt really been a year for rock.

I wonder what december has in store...

"Lets have

a ce

le bra

tion

baaby"

Jesse mcCartney

of fish and flight

2009-11-17T05:39:00.003Z

of fish and flight

by Rishik Vijayadas Menon

dear i fear

you know you love fishing too much

and while ive tried in vain to fall for the

cast of line and bait, in luckless faith

that nylon threads would draw us closer together

it seemed i proved too unromantic a

reeler to spin the odds to my favour.

alas I still have my tact, and tackle box

packed (not to mean intact)

I was able to take flight

off the jetty the next morning

mourning another wasted night,

trying and failing to get you to notice me.

being sensitive, and careful, noticing you

the most minute of oncoming sneeze

offering you tissue,

buying you lemon barley

rigging your lines

oh you have no idea

i would do your dishes!

...if only you gave me the chance

but like hook and master,

in spite of all our efforts

we simply could not connect to our

catch. so i thank god for small favours instead

that I did not have to open my box of

dettol plasters for one

and I suppose I remain in your regard

as that sub-species of men found in

the less favourable rungs of the evolutionary tree

more commonly known as "The Friend"

Ive not always been this impotent

though ive been known to let laundry soak

in the rain while I myself drift into

seas of luxurious afternoon sleep

in fact, I even had the audacity

to entertain notions of myself

wielding a competitive advantage

owing to my years of experience

of flying kites at the field

you see, dear, theres so much in common

with fishing and flying kites

you tie hope to the end of a string,

and throw it out into a sea of chance

and well wishes

with only instinct left to guide you

on how much to pull and let go

but the differences

'tween the two now dawn on me

as im waiting for the first bus

home to pasir ris without you

The type of prizes I sought after

while flying were momentary

snapshots of colour in the sky

while sun and wind dried my

heart into patient comprehension

of the beauty of solitude

Your game was tangible

and that was the crux of the matter

My art could not satisfy

your appetite for something real

if not always alive.

as vibrant as it might have been

that lack of direction or purpose

spelled the end of

what-just-might-have-been "us".

without anything definite to look forward to

I flew as long as the wind would let me.

if you like it..then you should have put a ring on it.

2009-11-13T07:22:00.003Z

No comment. (or does this become a paradox?)

Why ask rhetorical questions?

I never use extremes!

Us lone wolves need to stick together.

The following sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.

The following sentence is false. The previous sentence is false.

Homophobia is gay.

Austerity at any cost!

stay educated

2009-11-10T04:51:00.002Z

Im only 20 year old people. But im gonna make myself a promise.

I am going to stay educated!

Seeing as how I've run out of 'witty', and 'clever', and Mensa Singapore has kicked me out for not paying yearly subscription fees, its pretty much the best I can hope for. In the long run.

Its not a bad deal actually. all it takes is a little effort everyday to...

read

write

converse with people

listen to music

watch movies

try something new!

kay so its not exactly being educated. but something in between educated and cultured. you get the drift.

Janadas Devan has got it right. the guy is awesome. he doesnt show off a whole lot. but when he writes this quality about him shines through. his education. his cultured mature mind. he doesnt use academic lingo to build a barrier beyond the common man to show that he's better. He does it in the most simple of ways. engaging. shining light on new perspectives. introducing new ideas in moderate doses. serving bite sized portions of history, fact and anecdote. never extreme. but clearly passionate and confident about where he is heading or leaning towards.

how do you reach that stage in life? that ability to write so comfortably without falling into old traps doors of a particular niche' audience and crowd.

im thinking experience has to do with it. and a very conscious effort to stay relevant. to stay educated.

Let me contrast that to sXe Phil (Philip de Franco). I watch the guy's show on youtube and there are brilliant moments on quite a regular basis. Not easy considering its virtually a daily show. and i think to myself.

Its certainly possible. If you dedicate that much of yourself online everyday, your bound to come up with enough material to talk about. but dont you wanna move beyond talking about it? beyond mere commentating and reflection.

I guess the internet is full of that. witty comments. insightful and sharp reflections on society.

But blogs (or Vlogs) will never replace mainstream media or the news in particular. because there is no sustained focus online. topics fly and trends die in a blink of an eye.

and while communities might form, like the vlog brothers (the Nerd Fighters) or certain forum communities (even on Yahoo! Answers) these communities tend to be immersed neck deep in their own lingo and inner references and jokes. not exclusive. but private.

and while you can build a reputation for yourself online, also with experience, its simply not sustainable. people will forget you. you can pour your heart into issues over time, and become something of a credible force. but are people ever gonna say, "they wanna be like you"? cause its not gonna last forever. your only popular online for 10 minutes. and then they have their own lives to get back to. well at least for me anyway.

I wanna be popular WHILE im online. and then I wanna return to the normal world, and do normal things.

I guess what Im saying is, I think sXe Phil is a talent. who deserves to get out of youtube and do something bigger for society. cause he really is quite a smart-ass. and i mean that in the best sense. but he strikes me as a talent who is being wasted for an online audience who will forget him when his time is done.

and the other thing im saying is.. you dont get educated on the internet.

you get informed. you get striked with news your allowed to take in, and then you get to comment or blog about it.

you get access to google and wikipedia and dictionary.com and with a few clicks your capable of making obscure witty references and riding on trends and memes only comprehendable to a small few group of online peers.

but because its so easy to get that information, your so unlikely to remember it in the long term.

and when push comes to shove, your at a black tie cocktail party trying to make conversation, your ideas of things to talk about run dry and theres no google or wikipedia to pull you out of that hole.

so yes. I may belong to this wired generation.

but i still believe in education.

god forbid I don't let myself decay.

run for 5km

2009-10-31T16:01:00.002Z

Sweet
Lime
Sugarcane

your the first girl
that made me wait

a day i missed
just spent on
counting minutes

to the last parade
and white collared train

trying hard to be different
but I feel the same

I cant resist
Ive got to
make you notice

Rose
Syrup
Carnation milk

I cant go on
while im feeling jilted

But you still insist
that "boy
I wish you made it

for the wine high banter
but it wasnt filled

cause i missed your laughter
could not sit still"

I fall in disarray

how could i not have known this?

--
more random thoughts and quotes.

Age: Its just a number... that signifies the number of years in your life.

I wanted to dedicate this post to The People of The World with Low Self Esteem.
But after thinking for a while, I realised they didnt deserve it.

"its okay to not have a dream. kids in africa dont.." (WTF!!)

"if you can run for 5km, you can run..forever!"

tuesday and lyrics

2009-10-27T15:26:00.003Z

so as i recently discovered im actually quite a Pink fan.

"Funhouse" and "Please dont Leave Me" being the two turning points.

As if that discovery wasnt battering enough for my already fragile male ego, it turns out im also quite the unwitting jesse mccartney fan.

catching me off guard with "how do you sleep" and "leavin" (both of which I had no idea he sang), I recently went to great lengths to discover that the tune I have been humming the entire weekend was "body language" by, lo and behold, Jesse Mccartney!

sigh. or maybe its not sucha ego bruising after all. i mean. maybe jesse mccartney IS cool.. i mean he must be right? all the cool radio stations are playing him. haha. sigh. no, rishik. i guess faking enthusiam is just not within you.

its really not easy to track down songs stuck in your head by the way. driving alone at night listening to the two 98s of local radio, where one rnb track merges and melds into the next, certain hooks just have a way of ingraining themselves into your head. whether its a collective effort (as in the case of loosening the bottle cap) or not is beyond me. the quest to find out the lyrics of the sounds stuck in my head is challenging as it is. to discover the author of those sounds, and the name of the song truly is an achievement.

i mean really. try googling "konichiwa" and "lyrics" and see what you get. no joke. god knows how i managed to discover "Body Language" with just that one word.

BY THE WAY..

If anyone can help me with this other song i have stuck in my mind I will greatly appreciate it. This is how it sounds in my head. lord knows the actual lyrics but ive given up searching.

"im still on you. like my very first love.." yeah.. thats that.

not all songs are that hard to find though. take "empire state of mind" for one. surprisingly so, since you would expect loads of songs to have the phrase "in new york". but i guess the power of google is how its top searches also tend to be the more recent and thus current. and that definitely helps in a treasure hunt like the one I'm involved in.

Empire state of mind.. another great song by the way.. most of all, leaving me with this feeling of..

can we write something like that.. with that kinda feeling and emotion.. for singapore..

and i think the answer is yes. simply a matter of time.

but songs by themselves dont create patriotism. they reflect it. so what then creates patriotism? and what IS patriotism?

this feeling. that something is on the line. you have something to lose. this fear and sadness of losing on a collective level. (interesting how as im writing this out, its starting to sound like collective kiasuism.)

war creates this feeling. for sure. losing something on a collective level.

but no need to go to such extremes. cause sometimes competitions are enough.

i wont forget how pro-TJ lizzy became near the SYF band competition. that was school pride. she was out there to make a name for herself. by assoiation. as part of the collective. that was patriotism.

i think i felt it too last night at CHIJMES, watching the liverpool Man U match. there was patriotism around me. and the competition definitely fed it.

so is that what we need then? competition? is that why so many singaporeans are pushing for singapore to rejoin the Malaysia cup? cause its a cause for national pride. its a case when national pride was on the line. ironic, how one form of pride (which says we are too good to join the Malaysia Cup) is stopping another positive form of pride from being created.

which is why i think im gonna support the ABL. Im not a basketball fan. but for the first time, without any excuses, once again, national pride is on the line. and thats a good thing. this aint the olympics of the SEA games. this is a league. plain and simple. regular. and hopefully televised. with all the power, to breathe back some life and fight into a society with a suffocated sense of sporting pride and culture.

light it up

2009-10-17T08:26:00.001+01:00

the great thing about the army, is how much material it feeds me for my writing.

how there is such prosperity of character and poetry over flowing, simply waiting to be harnessed.

for example, did you know the word "deepavali" was also metaphorically used to mean anything which is brightly lighted up.

"When driving overseas must be careful la. The roads there not as deepavali as singapore"

"What the fuck! You never 'tactical' your torchlight?! you think this is deepavali is it?"

Happy Deepavali Singapore.

And may our street lights always overpower the stars of our city sky, in all its resplendent glory.

kopi shop soundtrack

2009-10-07T11:05:00.000+01:00

Sweet.

Lime.

Sugarcane.

your the first girl

that made me wait

a day i missed

not spent on counting minutes

to the last parade

and white collared train

living the motion

not quite the same

my mind in disarray

how could i

not have known this?

Rose.

Syrup.

Carnation milk.

with an empty taste

my night is filled

a glimpse erased

its keeping me guessing

---

To be continued..

Rishik.

Old School

2009-10-02T19:35:00.002+01:00

This is an essay dated 20th November 2007.

What Im ashamed to admit, is I dont really remember my own references to Jung and Schopenhaer anymore. I think its something to do with freedom and personal choice. heh. this is what 2 years in NS does to you..

Anyway..

Enjoy!

Punk is such a sad torrid farce, its not even funny anymore.

Now dont get me wrong. I still love jimmy eat world, something corporate and dashboard confessional. Helena by MCR, oh most definitely. I see no shame in listening to emo, indie, goth, rock, but I will punch you if you dare try and fit me into a typecast. I will intentionally wear what you dont wear to avoid looking like everyone else, and I will

So just what then do I make of everything I had said before this? Well.. I suppose nothing. Or maybe everything. Because thats the whole point isnt it?

All this culture and counter-culture, this action and reaction, is simply going to go on forever. There are forces beyond our control and im not talking about divine intervention. To borrow on a metaphor from both Jung and Schopenhaer, all of us are water molecules riding these waves and movements we know nothing about. Well not nothing, obviously. But thats another fine line. Of course right now, what im talking about is fashion.

No one would dare says they are independent of fashion trends unless they are seriously deluded. But neither do I believe we are slaves. Nor are these fashions the result of animals spirits. There is no doubt they are our own making. But how can something of our own creation take on a life of its own. Its beyond dynamic, its animated and emergent.

It would be most dishonest of me to tell you where the line is from the personal choice and the societal choice, and just how personal that choice may have been in the first place. And i dont know myself. But I do know I am getting tired. So Ill say simply this.

Ill buy my fossil watch today, and wear my sleeveless OBS tee tomorrow. Ill spike my hair and I wont. Ill just learn to appreciate as much as possible, and take in all I can. Because there is no one to differentiate between decent and prunish, sexy and slutty. No one is to tell me whats mainstream and whats a sell-out. Because it doesnt really matter. Except it most definitely does. And we are all victims of the machine and system. Perhaps context is all, after all. Perhaps. Or is that just my way of coping out and not really answering the question?

It most certainly is.

Good night.

so maybe its not my week after all

2009-09-24T14:24:00.000+01:00

foolish young second lieut.

why must you start a fight

when your only just an NSF

and you already know that your right

is it worth the seven extra?

to let your pride retreat tonight

dont believe its wrong to be silent

its wise! why, some might say "polite"

hold your tongue now, good second lieut

we know your hearts alight

the time will come to let it go

but right now, its too damn tight

desire

2009-09-23T10:21:00.003+01:00

a poem

by rishik menon

"have we met before?"

a plan sparkling in her eyes

teasing the world

her fingers curl

licked clean she exuberates

con fi dence

no she does not know

how her lips still smack

of chocolate.

sensual..

desire takes me

and I just wanna

cup the small of her arm

pull her in

and pass her

a packet

of tissue.

equivocate

2009-09-21T15:30:00.002+01:00

There was this thingy on Facebook where you picked your top 5 indulgences.

so naturally i had to do it.

1. taking long hot showers

2. sleeping during lectures

3. rolling around in bed

4. chocolate chip cookie dough

5. joking/lying and forgetting to clarify that i was kidding

----

Being the dictionary.com sell-out I am, i present to you:

EQUIVOCATE!

equivocate \ih-KWIV-uh-kayt\, intransitive verb:

To be deliberately ambiguous or unclear in order to mislead or to avoid committing oneself to anything definite

...i love to equivocate.

But there are a few things id like to make clear.

Singing in the Rain IS my favourite song.

And this is a pretty damn awesome video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1q98m7qJ8g

----

Sucha sucker for romance

My favourite movies of post A level 2007.

"Stardust"

"Enchanted"

to think those times are over.

48 hours of rest is required after working out.

1 week to my driving test.

10 weeks to the standard charted marathon.

fast forward

2009-09-16T16:28:00.002+01:00

fast forward.

i wanna start my day running. 5 am. in the dark, in the quiet calm.

i wanna sweat and pant and feel exhausted and detoxicated.

i wanna shower. and then have breakfast.

its a new day. i wont let my my past regret its future.

i wanna stay awake.

fast forward.

i wanna run an errand. be punctual if not early.

perform favours without obligations or habit.

i wanna know that i have time to kill.

and my weapon of choice is a paperback fiction novel,

or better yet the morning comics. dilbert. get fuzzy. zits.

i wanna feel lucky, even as i test my patience.

fast forward.

i wanna work. i want independence and purpose.

fast forward. i wanna perform. i wanna know that i excel.

fast forward. i wanna be rewarded. with words and praise and hugs.

fast forward. i wanna lead. i wanna feel my own destiny in my hands.

wrap up.

i wanna go home. i wanna go out to friends and society.

healthy pace. a light dinner. time to inflect and walk.

sharing my life. my stories. taking in someone else's. alert.

i wanna stay awake. i wanna pamper my body.

with another shower. and rest.

playing out.

a slow dwindling of energy. watching documentries or talk shows.

absorbing the world of people around me.

and exerting enough energy to maintain. clean. and wash.

fast forward.

i'll have to sleep. because what i want. is to stay awake.