So i woke up at 4 soemthing this morning cause some guy form overseas calls me. at least i think its iverseas. number had like 16 digits. serious. but befor i could answer the guy hung up. bastard. i was having a nice dream. haha. anyway i didnt bother calling back. sent a message to soemone and went of to do my usual routine. wrong move. tat meant i was half an hour early. sat down doing nothing. even played the piano. haha. i told ya my biological clock is screwed.
Introducing the book of poems and prophecies by William Blake. Dam cool book. and yes dad, i did study chem. Chemistry. The only science i actually like. sadness. sigh. Walking home in the rain. I just love that. and after that i have a cold shower. Just because it is the only showers i ever take. haha. total sense. but i liek the feeling of cold. brings to mind the feeling of being ina hotel. stepping out of the toilet after a shower into the air con. shiok. feels great. if given a choice ti burn to death or be frozen to death id choose freezing. no doubt its a worse death and more prolonged and slow... but i think ill take it. haha. yes.
VJC. Its freaking tough. Almost no chance. But ill try. and I rise to the challenege, ahha. Oh man! i love the contender. See this is why i watch it. the inspiration it gives me. Against all odds. Rising up. Fighting back. The underdog. Thats what i am. the underdog. haha. the fighter. the matyr. the one that will always stay true to his beleifs. thought that can get dangerous. haha. the george bush/kerry comparison in the bizzaro comic. was pretty funny. On good leaders in our mind and good leaders in the real world. was a dam big hit at dubya.
Its not about politics. its about rights. its about freedom of speech. its about fuck. how i cant stand singapore's system. another case came up about this blogger getting sued. WTF! its free speech. oh tahts right. singapore doesnt allow free speech. brings to mind an incident yesterday. on the bus with shane and glenn. and i made a comment about our government and how mediacorp is getting heavily subsidised to make propaganda shows like first touch and first moms and he starts shunning me. he gets scarred. isee eyes around the bus turing to watch me. they get uncomfortable. cause i am too fucking frank abotu what i feel and too dam open. i am all for free speech. which is why i am not agaisnt the anti-menon page on friendster which my mom has made a police case out of. Pisses the shit out of me. I was thought- iwas inspired by people like bro michael, miss siva, mr colin lai to start noticing things. identify the trends. understand the politics. thats the most valuable lesson i learn from my ipoh trip. Its a trait of all lasallians mr lai said. and it felt good. and now you tell me its wrong. fuck the system. eveyrthign is screwed. from our cencorship to our media. its sickening. i was one point desperate to get into theatre cause the singapore theatre scene was dead. they needed to be broguht up. and i felt i could do that. but now i have a new focus. press. we are so dam controlled i dotn even know what is happening. do yuo have any idea the numebr of rape cases numbe of murders number of suicides riots gang fights goes on every dam day in thsi island and NEVER gets reported. you see crime watch and true files and half the cases they report are cases which have been solved. how many unsolved cases are they hiding? its only the surface of the barrel. god.
and this all comes down to one thing. me. what i learn from NLLC and LLTC. so i'm tryign tog et involved with the RA. ahha. trying. part of my nyaa silver service. and thatc an lik straight to my nyaa gold service AND community project. yeap. after my mid year though. feel abit guilty seeing as how i was supposed to be involved with the conservation run last saturday and sunday. didnt tell anyone. not exactly the best side of me. haha. and i might just come crawling back to him to try and get him to support me to get to VJ. I'm gonna get as many nominators as possible. its important for me. i must try my best. 80 ppl in singapore. i can be one of them. sigh.
dammit is a dam nice song. pun not intended. ppl call me about chem. i must get top in chem. im good enough. just no effort i guess. god what is wrong with me. i feel bad. i dont knwo wha got me in this mood....
Then it hits me. siglap macs. that crowd. i went there to study with nicholas gn. they were there as usual. god i pray and i curse at those who hold prejudice and i swore id neevr be like that. id be level minded. id hold no grudge. id never stereotype. but god-THAT crowd. i dunno why. i justc ants tand them. everything that they are. everything that they stand for. its just wrong. its going against all that ive been working for. maybe i just shouldnt care what they do. its their own business. what theyd ow ith their lives. but it realy frustrates me. these are the guys bringing down my school name. they vindiacte eveyr reputaion of a quintessential patrician. and i work to break the rep. but it allc omes back to these guys. i love my school. never mistake that. but the environment that it produces... the name and reputation that banes everythign that i do outside school. it really sucks. i need a new association. so i draw back. i fall back on my family. my neighbourhood. my park. my rain. and i sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment