hate feeling regret

"runaway train neevr goign back. wrong way on a one way track. seems like i should be getting somewhere. somehow im neither here nor there...."

regret is like that. there is no turning back. what the hell can you do, once you do it. life is like that. full of idioit decisions to make, that will make or break things. like friendships.. and i swear thats the last thing i wanted to break. gawd. feel like such an idiot. for not saying... and then for saying.... and for everything...

konstantine is a sad song.. and so is runaway train. both so different in story line. yet so for me to relate to... sigh.


no point hiding or lying i anything i guess. maybe i did the right thing... i mean, i coudl not live with myself, not knowing, "what if"...so yeah. this is the best i guess. and i swear, i appreciate your bluntness. and i would have asked for you to be blunt with me anyway, so thanks.

gawd... the rain is refreshing. i miss the moon.. i miss making wishes... its nice to have this sense of hope and dreams.. despite life being so fucked and all. despite the fact that wishes dont come true half the time. despite everything.

so today dear yings went off. sigh. she is like one of the sweetest person i know. and my heart melts at just how nice a person she is. i swear she is dam touching. in that sense. so nadia, dora, marky marc, selvam, de wei, jasvir, michelle and kyle went to send her off. yay. we went to TM first where nads, and de wei hand picked a pair of undies for her. ahha. had breakfats at the airport. and i wasnt hungry. after sneding off yings, we went to study at subway. helped my sister michelle menon with her chem and jas with e maths, and he helped me with humanes. haha. the way he teaches is dam cool. relates everything back to debates. and that is so cool. sighs. after that we went to take the bus back, and i did the stupidest thing of the week. dumber than boiling my enzymes for bio practical. dumber than shiftign the postion of my lens for physics practical. and i guess ill just have to live with it. cause there is no turning back.

i dont want to be in a relationship. i dont want to confuse you. all in all, i swear i dont know what to do. and now i feel like things are drifting apart between us. this whole week... yeah. like you dont quite want to talk to me. even today... its like we hardly talked... and i dunno what it is. am i being too clingy? am i just too depressing to talk to? is it the handphone bill? but that would hardly explain why we didnt talk today. i treasure your friendship. i dont want to lose that. and maybe what ive dont just catalysed the whole 'drifting apart' thing.

tomorrow is my chem practical. no de wei, i wont screw it up.. bringing my guitar tomorrow... for the last time this year... sigh... tomorrow is also my add maths paper II. god save me.


i go outside.. to my surprise the sky had landed. piano class this saturday. last class before Os... everythign seems to be coming to an end. everything.... everything i ever liked. music.. the moon... freedom...messages that would make my day, in the simplest way. gonna study with zenn later.

thank jas, for everything. thanks. everyone. good bye. i need to study.