come and go

seasons come and go. even in singapore. its cyclic you know. it really is.



but thats just at the surface. maybe i wouldnt make a difference. if i had gone to tampinese jc or CJ or meridean fer that matter. maybe it wouldnt matter if i had or hadnt joined council. if i did or didnt stay in hockey. if i tried or didnt try to make things work.


maybe it would have more meaning. or less.



maybe it would feel more real. or maybe thats not what i want.



maybe it measn im still learning. maybe it means i havent learnt anything yet.



maybe there is a period of time in our life where we are allowed to have fun. and that time is up.



maybe i im just beginning to understand. maybe im just beginning to start lying to myself. maybe ill be doomed to this forever. maybe that will be heaven. maybe ill never die. and ill just carry on living in this perpetual state of emotional volatility.



maybe i was meant to live for some other purpose than i want to. maybe not. maybe if i stayed in science. went into chemical engineering. worked in shell. maybe thats what should have been my purpose. or maybe i should stop thinking.



maybe im not really gonna go anywhere at all. maybe i dont want to. maybe i just want to have all the glory and do none of the work. maybe i dont want any glory at all.



and the desire is stronger than ever. to just start rolling down the green grass of pasir ris park. even as itchy and scratchy as the grass may be, the romatincism of rolling is enough to make me forget the crudeness of reality and life. maybe.




but let me just make a statement which i realised one evening not too long ago on the bus home.


Life is short and you only live once. but how do we wanna live it? Live for life? or live for the legacy? cause there is now and there is tomorrow, and sooner or later we all gotta choose where were gonna be headin. cause you cant have both. itll just mean a painful migraine where you wake up in a world heading neither there, without being able to appreciate the here.