gosh gosh gosh

oh my oh my. was reading my old posts and entries and i am dissapointed! what the hell have i gone? where was the old me. the cool little kid who made way more typos than the kid of today, but didnt care about it. and just wrote. and spewed pure 'moment' and 'now' meant now when he typed it, and he was confident and headstromg about what he wrote. and he believed in it. and the ebst part was, he would argue about it. on paragraphs on end he would talk to himself and expose the world to his vulnerability and everything he was. and that was what his art was. his soul gushing out onto a strange html format, and some deep dying ddesire to not be forgotten.


which is why i say fuck to all the new visitors that make me ever so self concious about what i say, and what you think of me, and how i lose who i am, if ever i was someone to begin with.


well, my dear brothers and sistes. this aint gonna stay this way for much longer. im done being politically correct, or trying to snide people with strange indirect comments, which eveyrone else doesnt gove two shits about. im going back to treating this like a diary, or a platform for self discovery. but heres the rule.



You read this blog. you do NOT, you DO NOT talk to me about it as a topic on its own. you may bring it up as a side mention, but let it be known, i shall avoid it with as much tact as is god given.



so ive gone back to writing my book. my novel. this time not in short hand but in microsoft word. and its gonna be revolutionary. its gonna rock. its gonna be about everything magical and unmagical and eveyrthing real to me. and id like to thank my sister for talking to me. and soefie for letting me vent my thoughts out on. and in return i shall do her quiz on her blog. haha.



kay im 32% emo. rights. dont quite care, really. never was into those tests. just liked knowing the results... okay was that a contradiction...

Why i believe it was!! YES! its working! the old messed up confised me is coming back! whoot.





iff that link works, it shoudl show me dancing at my house's dance party. coolness. rights. whatever.


so i went back to the roof today. and i decided.. you know what. uhmm.. actually i dunno what i decided. but in the end i kinda decided to return to my room. haha. not quite the self discovery i thought it was, but still. its always good to go back there.



did i mention i made chicken today? well anyways i did. and i got kinda worries cause eveyrone seemed so insistent that it should have had chili paste but id idnt want it. but it tasted good in the end! whoot! i dont need your boring standrad spices and old recipes that hinder my development. haha. and i shall break free and do myself justice. i mean, thats what cooking is about. creating. doing soemhting new and different and wild, and with a risk of fire always there. and then savouring the experience, in the form of its fruits; its reward. i liked my chicken. sweetness. kay it was actually kinda salty, not sweet. but you get what i mean. haha. yeaps. =DD


kay. i think i better go now.



and ive gotten over it. my manic depressive, confused and dry state of not knowing quite what the hell im doing, and lacking in absolutely all forms of motivation. thats gone. im good. im fine.



and all it took was for me to read my old entries. well thats not ALL it took. but was one of the main things i guess..



haha. three posts in one day. might seem like im really free. well it didnt feel that way for some reason. alot of self discovery and contemplating going on,


im outta here. see ya!