questions and silence

ted haggard's gay. hmmm. interesting...


there was something on my mind... i cant remember what now... hmmm...it had to do with me. thats all i know. but what... what was it... sigh.


so yesterday started out at a pretty fucked up day. 15 dollar cab ride for a meeting which starts half an hour late, tends to make you feel that way. getting caught for something which you didnt do wrong is also extremely pissing off. wtf la mr chang. i have no idea how ur mind works. and im glad for it.


The only thing more annoying than trying to force myself to 'respect' or 'remain humble' with people with so shockingly backward a thinking process is perhaps trying to be patient with people who condescend towards me. critical thinking my ass. we do that in KI. whatever man.


but yesterday ended well. haha. nothing like a jog with a friend. nothing like the night well spent. nothing like feeling liberated from that chain that connects you to the big spider web in the sky. nothing. well. nearly nothing at least.


and in the mean while the rest of us have to wait patiently as gravity slowly sucks me back to my hell hole. now with added sugar. sucks doing work which means nothing to me. but itll all be over soon enough. PW. orientation. CNY carnival. mega house function. HC camp.
and hearing their voice go on and on about "this is our year. this is our batch. we need to make an impression", you really cant blame me for being so cynical. bollocks to ur ego. bollocks to all that bull. no ones gonna remember you when you leave dammit. No one steps in the river twice. Your there once, and your imprints are washed away, so please dont drag me d(r)own with you in your blinded attempts to force our names onto the sand. d(r)own. down.


Decembere 11th 2005, i wrote of a temporary victory of mine. a victory of character. but it seems like the war has started all over again. back to square fucking one. gaaah. here we go again.


i dont wanna do it alone. but i cant really help this cicrumstance i find myself in right now. the fluidity of my company and my "in-between" location making this the most inopportune time for selfdiscovery. hmph.


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its always been awkward. and strange as it sounds, i blame the company. i really do.
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kay, my dads gone for bangkok, and ive no real plans till like 4, so nows a good time to finish one of my poems.


"maybe when im done with endings, this can begin.."


be gin.
be right back.