weightless

manage me, im a mess

make believe, that i impress

I cant believe it myself. Its september.

September October.

Its time.

Sharpen. Refine.

I hit a new personal best of 19minutes for 5km.

I went for open mic last night.

1 star kayaking course is through.

Anberlin were amazing!!

Driving test in 3 weeks time.

Sigh.

But what I really want.

Is someone to talk to.

I want a woman to sit me down and tell me ten things I didnt already know and make me buy 12 things i never believed in, in the first place. I want a conversation, I want a good long story. Please, someone to make me laugh and bring me for a walk just so she can trip me over and make me fall into a trap or a prank or plot of common interest and life. not just a presumed overlap of social circle and understanding of pop culture references and personal banter, i want to be in formal introduction and touch your hand for a brief shake, if nothing else for tonight. I want to start from the beginning I want to shed all pretence, i want a reader i want a listener i want a talker i want her.. to be free from cynism for a change, be opinionated and open minded at the same time, where are you oh if you exist, and why dont you come on over and talk to me about your family and life and exams and plans and dreams and hands. im dying to listen, and not manipulate the conversation into a topic im comfortable with. no i want you to find me in as clean and clear as a state as I wish to be found. hungry and passionate for that someone for that argument. i want her to tell me Im wrong, in a way that Id actually believe it. I dont expect her to bump my fist in telepathic cammarederie. Im expecting and hoping for nervous laughter and reserve thats not restraining. and all the hope for the future wide open, without any preconceived notion and assumption of either music or silence.

and thats pretty much what I currently want.

ah well..

we dont always get what we want.

at least i had my apple crumble.

and I have my family.

=)