panadol and cabernet sauvignon
by rishik
in so much pain
im terrified, of the world
of memories of flashing blue and red
on my rear view mirror
and dreams of driving forever
against the flow of traffic
i blast the heater
and confuse left turns for right
i want to go home so bad
and if i were to die, whos gonna
be the ones cleaning up the
wreckage
the bodies
who will pay
for the funeral
who will call my parents every saturday
or play with my nephew
im terrified and
every red light
feels like
forever
I wait
at the slip roads
cant trust anyone now
certainly not myself
zebra crossings appear out of no where
my hearts drops, as I drive on through.
there was no one there.
40 kph feels unbearably fast
and my eyes dart back and forth,
from speedometer to speed limits
and again memories, of sirens
and flashing jams of red and blue
i consider pulling over and cuddling up
to sleep
but oh
I oh
I wanna go home
so bad right now
i wanna i wanna go
in the distance
i see a face looking at me
and i dont know what happened.
if the car stopped
and i got out
or if maybe
i slowed to such speeds, that
i was able to gawk for so long
or maybe, quite likely,
I drove straight
as per normal
but the power in that stare was so intense
I felt its impact all the way home
it wasnt a stare
it was a moment
we shared
me and her
from that far
to that near
pointed ears
eyes that reflected my
headlights
and whose colour i'll; never quite be sure of
not smiling looking at me
out of concern
maybe fear
or maybe even a terrible spiteful contempt
hoping for my crash
a beautiful long white fur coat
my eyes left the road from then on
and i could not think of anything else
except when was the last time
I had seen someone so
damn
beautiful
god knows what happened after that
where the time went
and how I got home last night
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