Lack of meaning

Wah lao... No idea why I'm doing it. Its kind of weird considering it was me who convinced jeremy to start blogging. ahah. wtf. WTF. Anyway yeah... We rock. Both got 10/10 for english speech. Thats whaticall a partnership. Style. Anyway, today had scout founder's day. Man i hate scouts. I find no meaning it; no doubt i owe scouts my personal devlopment. But would not hve turned out the same with or without scouts? Like kubo said, "Thats a risk i'm not willing to take". But my mind's made up. I will not be pursuing anything higher than Venture Cord. CCA and PSA may come and go. Its not worth puting in so much effort when i might not get it. After Venture cord, i have no intentions on carrying on. Even now, i have no intentions of carrying on. Sucks lah. Too much effort. I need to focus on other things. What do i want to do in life. definitely not scouts. I want to do something with drama. Damit. At least I'm doing what i can for it. In JC, maybe i wont even carry on venturing. Maybe ill just focus on studies, student council and drama. Yeah. Thats enough for me. Scouts is too much. I dont want to see myself five years down the road coming back. I need my own life. I need a break.
7 Distinctions! Yes, I can and I will. A1 for CCA? hah. That would be an insult to me. Pity thats already the highest rank. Yes. I will go VJC. Work hard in studies, and whatever student leadership roles they have there and drama. Thats it. I will excel in all of these. No less. haha. I am motivated. Dam motivated. More motivated then i was in Sec 1-3. Yes. I lost all my motivation since PSLE where i ended up in Hai Sing. Then i transferred to St pat's, and started regretting even more. haha. But IN St pat's i scored dam high. Thats not a motivtaion, mind you. Thats an insult to come in anything worse than top 5. Nonetheless, i still got worse than top 5 and felt dam demoralised. Haha. But now i no what i want to do. No more shall I wonder yon lost for meaning. I know what i want to do. Drama. Literature. I was top in level in sec 2! How could i lose my first and true love. And to think i was doing badly in SS/History. No. No more. I shall do well in humanities again. And i shall rise tot he competition once more. And I shall crush them all. And even if i dont, I know i can make it in the world. I have my intelligence. I wasn't in MENSA for nothing. No. I can do it. Grades dont make my worth as a human. Character is. And I have character. That's my most important thing right now. How i build me character. Thast why I'm so into leadership. Yeah. Which brings to question again. What character is it to leave the scout troop after all they have done for me? Shit.