shalala. Have you seen seabiscuit. Have you ever seen it? i swear, its the most inspirational horse racing show ever. i was glued to it the whole of last night. haha. this was the answer i was looking for. After the contendor, where would i go to next to find strenght? This was it right here. hhaha. i swear, i have no idea whats my obsession with underdogs. Maybe cause in my heart, i prey i am one, myself. and in my heart i dream of the day i rise back up. But is that whats important? studies? grades? maybe not. but understand this. i have been dedicating my life to my school for the past four years. i have given everything. taken away form me just like that. i deserve somehtign in return. dont I? and this is all i want. my turn for glory. my turn to rise. That is all i ask for in return for the last 4 years of my life. "better break a man's leg than his heart". Love that line. haha.
change your destiny. you are in control of your life. freedom to think wonderful thoguhts and dreams. all these quotes are pinned on the softboard of my table. all amounts to one thing really. being your own man and taking control of the situation. i have a favourite poem, which is quite the contrare. "life is short, and pleasures few; and holed thy ship, and drowned thy crew; but oh, but oh, how very blue; the sea is" . Its all about having no control of your situation. but enjoying it anyway. i like that one. beautiful poetry, in my mind.
sooner than later, id be leaving home to a place fara way to do soem project i have no intention of doing anyway. but i still do it. my life is sad and dictated. which is why i thank joshua so much. Th bbq is the breath of releif i have been waiting for for so long. that long last chance to spend with my friends. that time and moment i was anticipating, and worrying would never come. this makes it all worth it. this gives me soemhtign to look forward to. something that gives me hope.
last night i did alot of writing. and my collection of songs have grew to a size of 5. and then shrunk to size of 4, afte throwing away one. haha. right. holidays are now in full motion. dannel's birthdae was yesterday. guess i'm obliged to buy him somehtignt oday. haha. obligations.
ever get thi sfeeling, you were meant for so much more. you ar destined for greatness. but things are just getting in your way. as egoistic as it sounds, thats how i feel. i'm going to go all the way up there. its liek the book"witch week". charles was a great magician but when the worlds merged his magic was gone, and he had talent else where. its a faint memory of greatness i have. that i know im supposed to have. but in this world, im being stopped from doing it. well, its just a feeling.
its okay to fall, i realise. even the greats fall. coach carter, seabiscuit, the contendor. wow. all the shows ive been watching lately, are supposedly "feel-good". haha. how cool is that. if anythign i should be feeling happy and get-going. haha. doenst really explain my melancholic moods. well life is weird. my mind is stopping me from enjoying myself. the guilt from not doing work is really getting to me. which is why by next sunday after the campfire is over, i know i'm gonna really feel the full swing of teh holidays. hopefully.
my table is a mess. haha. so many papers. no idea what to do with them all.
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