picking up mom now. from airport. get back to you soon. im back. just picked up me mom and me grandma from the airport. yay. i feel so....dunno whats the word. WASTED. Yes. wasted away. and screwed up. I wanna go out. i miss that, you know. goign out. i miss interaction. i miss talking to new people. i miss lauging at my friends. i miss going to school. wha.
david's going for the hike. dammit. dammit is a nice song. yeap. 70km hike. gah-. Here's the deal. the 70km hike is the final step. It is THE last check, for all 4 pre-ventures to get our flashes, and hopefully, our scoutnames. For me, its about dignity. I won't leave the troop as a pre-venture. what teh fuck is that. So am i venture or not? know what i mean. so, my deal is this. I want my flashes. i want my scout names. or at least the chance to know, whether i deserve a scoutname or not, in the eyes of the seniors. Closure basically. Then the complications started. ppl going, not going, postponing, blah, blah, blah. and now its between phipps and myself. They can either postpone the hike, to next week, where i can make it( me being sick this weeka nd all), or keep this original date, cause, phipps's parents wont let him go on any other day. Thats another thing i dont get. what the fuck man. Why no other date? doesnt make shit of sense to me. but whatever lah. so i told them to keep phipps. the three of them go for the hike themselves. and for my own sake, ill go for the hike solo at another time. theodore said he might follow me. i dont want him to. its unfair to him. dam crapped up lah. it has come to this. now my dad's encouraging me to go for the hike tomorrow if i feel better tomorrow. but flu's are not so easy. its takes weeks to heal totally. plus i got another agenda. i got my piano class on saturday morning. i dont want to miss that again. dam guilty. unless i postpone that. but even if i do postpone that, i cant confirm that i can make it for the hike tomorrow. I can force myself to. i dunno. i still dont feel too good. fuck man. question of my wellness Vs my need to prove soemthign to them. Arghhhh. I have spirit lah, fuck! i can Do this! Its all in my mind, my will power! my pure grit and determination! it always has been. and thats going to be the driving force for me once again. Lord be my pillar. Thank you for the strenght to stand at all, and for being my crutch. Now bless me, as i take on one more task in the state of health. Thank you lord.
my grandma is dam sweet. she bought me a dam pretty 'Om'. It was dam elegent, and had a zircon attached to it. its beautiful. im gonna get a nice silver chain for it. Dam beautiful. I like the om. gives me strenght. quite ironic, cause she gave it to me, just as i was typing to god, in the above paragraph. well, i better go eat soon.
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