God... enough already.

God... this sucks soo bad. god. the fighting. the escaping. shit lah. everything sucks man.

in backward order of why things suck. i discovered MSN is gone. along with all my music and pictures. and that it wasnt an accident. that it was intentional. and sickening. i fought with my mom over piano and she so totally mis-intepreted me. she scolded me for grinding my teeth. AND GOD! IM TRYING SO HARD ALREADY! cant you see. i'm only grinding my teeth to control my frustration. im trying to stop my anger! AND WTF! "STOP IT"!!?? and even after exlaining to you, you can still tell me "You just stop it". how fucking unreasonable... god dam.....
so i went tot he park the only place i could find peace. and what made me sad was that all i heard was malay from some mat skaters, chinese by some bengs at the bus stop smoking, cantonese by two ah mahs taking a walk, and tamil by two indian construction workers... no english... saddening... so very saddening.

and the reason why i didnt want to go home was, besides me mom, my dad. the fact i fought with him last night, over the computer and not coming home last night. that was also the reason why i had to sneak home last night without him knowing and leave this morning before he woke up. sigh. last night i was at jeremy's party. and today i was out studying..

its so obvious i got bad planning and flow of thoughts. like mrs nelly said. mrs nelly thoguht uncle thiaga apparently. whom i met today at dinner. sigh.

last night kicked ass. the whole of yestersya actually. but im kinda sad right now. but hell. it was a good day. from the photo taking part in the morning to my appointment where i learnt that my back would be okay, and that the x-rays were puzzling, to eating with my mom and sis at CGH... then later on meet jonny at SAC on intending to meet him, and the party itself, playing soccer, the guitar, taboo, eating, truth or dare, cooking talking to the teachers, how mr gill apparently so me with my gf earlier this year at parkway despite my pleas that i was single, eevrything. was so fun. even diving in the pool and all. sigh. good day. good night. i almost guitilly enjoyed sneaking home and climbing the gate and all.

todayw as good. went to study in the morning. met ben ow, marc, nadia and de wei at parkway thought not in that order and not at the same time. later met selvam and michelle and togetehr with de wei we went to Toa payoh to meet jas to go for the CJ open house. after that me michelle and selvam went to borders to look at CDs, then i kinda ought with my mom and then met her at uncle ravi's house. he's a nice guy and a Sai devotee. sigh. i wanted to talk about that but im feeling too shitty right now. plus there is no music. so i dont feel spurred on to. sigh. met uncle thiaga and bothe thir wives who were really nice. watched videos of Sai baba and played chess with my sis. sigh. won three out of four times. sigh.

maybe if im in the mood illt lak about christianity and Sai devotees tomorrow. yeah. right now im just....emptionless and dead without my music. helpless.

count your heart out. im gonna sleep now.