ramble ramble rambles. on.

when whathisname crossed some rubicon
by
Vidyarishik Vijayadas

so when i hear another one of those
"lets stay friends forever" or when
the sound of faith being misguided
with the uttering of "twenty years down..
or maybe ten, or (for the more realistic,
yet equally optimistic) five years down,
will do, "invite me when you say 'i DO'"
cause we do (or we say, at the very least)
we will never ever forget you.
But my arguement against this wishful,
build up of lies and highly improbable dreams,
doesnt just lie in the chance of stepping into
a rapid, fifty something horse powered river, where time flows
at break need speeds, and its impossible to step
where you stepped once again, but also in the fact
that while we get swept away with our lives
and our interregnums between our time
with each other, the process of sweeping
has this annoying little result of shaping
and moulding, and for the ironic effect
they say, "stream-lining" us to people we werent
and are not. and people change, and I change
and you change, and your changing right now,
as you read this, your impression of me,
as well as those highly complex inner workings
that at one point, i strived so hard to
come to terms with and comprehend.
But thats changed too.
So while we say we know, and while we say
we might 'miss', in the same context as one might
in reference to untimely public transport,
you must understand my reservations
and my skeptcism that that might truly
be the case, cause the you that, perhaps (im not
saying 'i did') i might have been missing,
is undoubtedly no, not the you that im
hearing, and reading, and looking and
simply interacting. and the same applies
for me, and i have no doubt you can see,
but yet, in spite of this clarity in the fact
that who i am now, can mean next to nothing to yee,
i still act with reservation and conservation of energy,
cause i fear many many things
which are not unlike you playground rejections
and dwell in that same real of emotions.
for i have been guilty of getting annoyed
and feeling frustrated when skeletons
cast their hopes and perceptions tied to their
bait and sinker from locked closets, and i so
so so badly desire to be no where like that.
and thats a surprisingly high motivating factor.
a motivation for my lack of initiative and
my fear of exposure, that some likeness
might be drawn to me and that ghoul,
that has simply got me using every method
i can to not reveal hints or provide allusions
which have propensity to give consequence
to young ladies. and thats just that.
running out of things to say, and so
going back to the topic of interaction,
i believe i quite clearly elaborated
on my every excuse to avoid it
and i dont embrace it, but i accept, that
sometimes, in the larger scheme of things
the past isnt that reliable absolute
that we would so conveniently wish it to be.


whooo.
goodnight