so where do i go

so where do i go. from here on now.


fuck man. you think your back and running again, but then life just had to come and blow you down. like the little spider spinning its web. spinning. working. so hard against the sheer immense breath of nature. no prizes as to who wins, that battle.



fuck grades. its not that. its the comments. the truth behind this shared sentiments of all my tutors. thats what hurts. i dont care if do badly, frankly... cause thats not real to me. but i hurt. and i bleed. when i know im not doing justice to myself intellectually. when im not thinking in depth and rigour. when they say im not evaluating, and i know they are right. when they say i have clumsy expression, and i cant begin to say how ashamed that makes me feel. so thats it really. my embrassment of not being a 'thinker'. thats what i want. to achieve that higher level of udnerstanding and analyzing. thats it. sigh. and this may just be the first time i need to work so hard for something.



but yes. ill appeal for H3 lit. cause its about passion. and interest. and for that lesson in life, i can only thank my dad. and you know what. we are captains of our own destinies. and ive not been a very good captain so far. about time i regain control of this ship. siigh...



fuck la... i hate chocking back tears... and having to do so so many times in a single day... arghh!


and i asked you "why"
did it come to this
there was never an answer
when i didnt insist
that you stop right there.
your words arnt healing... oh no.


im killing myself. slowly.
im trying to be true,
dont wanna choose... dont wanna choose...


good night. its really the greatest of ironies in life that leave the sharpest scar. cruel, crule life.