can you here me scream?

No of course you cant. im not audible enough. now here is some priceless advice for you. off your mind. stop thinking. it will only make you stressed. haha. not the first time i heard that. well, its not always said teh same way. but it amounts to the same concept: the more you think the worse life gets. annurshah, sylvia, malcolm in the middle. theya ll say that. haha. here's the sad part. i tried ot out once. for one whole day. the day after iw atched that amlcolm in the middle episode. i swear i was never happier in a long itme. iwas just being lame, and making really stupid comments, laughing away my problems. and id idnt care what any one thoguht. and i was having fun. enjoying myself. that night, i slept witha smiel in my face. the enxt day, i went back to normal. but the leftover joy was still there. haha. was great. But yet....so...conflicting with everythign i ever beleived in...

I must think. if i dont i lose all SELF about rishik. rishik is here ebcause he thinks. he thinks deeply. but rishik is not happy cause he thinks. I hate people who dont think. who simply accept. which is one reason i loved SS. it really challenges one to think. its why im going for the buddhist lodge visit on the 19th. cause i want tot hink. to discuss. to debate. its why i want to go for the studnet leader's covnetion. Mr thompson said it was soemthign where you needed to be mature to attend. i dont think i am. but i want to be. i want to try my best. and here i am. destroying everything i ever beleived in. Time stands still by all american reject. great song. music is good for the soul. i need time. exams draw nearer still. all i want to do, i reflect. write. sleep. listen to music. walk. blade. anything. but my mind cant work now. it cant take anymore information. you cant make it. it doesnt want to. ill study another day, i guess. hmphh. haha. this blog is really all about me isnt it? i kind of noticed. it doesnt really recount events. more of reflects thoughts. which was why i started it in the first place. tamil b paper.... i dont know. My mind is shut right now. but tsill worried and as troubled as ever.