life sux

"Come on. come on. put your hands into the fire"... sigh. creepy song. "its gonna be a lonely, loney , lonely, lonely day." a depressing song. "You got to work to feed your soul, but i cant do this all on my own. oh i know i'm no superman." that's just a ....rishik song. sigh.

I'm no superman is a really reflective song for times like this. when i get depressed for no god dam reason. when life just overwhelms me. when things happen so fast, you just want to scream STOP. but it wont. it keeps going. and more things happen and the feelings mix and accumilate and mess you around. sigh. i want to be superman. i want to save people. i want to help them. but how can i, when they dont want my help. sigh. one image that has captivated me alot was this scene from constantine. when this guy is dying in the supermarket. and constantine is talking about the angels and demons that walk this earth. and then as the store tender was leaning down beside the dying guy you could see the store mender's wings sprout. i was inspired by that scene. how quiet the angel was. how he did good. how he made the world a better place in his small deeds. i wanted to be an angel.

But i will never be one. cause i am just too loud. i am too much of a politician. a open kinda person. when i feel strongly about a cause i will preach it, and lecture about it. not quietly at all. I am a prefect. i want to report things. i want to revolutianise. i want to make a differnece. a loud one. and i want to be remembered, thats what i want to do in life. report what is happening in this sick sad world today. and hopefully in educating, make a difference. or more than just report. join politics. change the world. kill poverty. stop wars. bring peace. and i dunno lah. why i am saying all this. there is just this growing. and growing. and growing disatissfaction in me. I am not doing enough. not doing enough community service. not doing enough school work. not spending enough time with my friends and family. not working hard enough on my piano. gaaah.

i am not content. i am sickened with life. i am sick of so much. god. GOD. in the words of the taxi driver: "Dam fuckers. deserve to fucking die."

go to my links and read the lyrics for "superman" by lazlo bane. maybe I shoudl do that. should help me. but this is so different. this is so different.


you see, in the past whenever i was depressed. whenever i was pissed, it was with myself. it was somehting which i could change and handle. i could listen to music. i could read books. i could read my testimonials on friendster (and that always cheered me up). but when the matter at hand no longer concerns you. you become helpless. and thats when you get REALLY trapped. sigh. rishik thinks too much.